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Coming out to christian mom?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by VTH, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. VTH

    VTH
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    After questioning myself now for almost a year and having it running through my mind every day, I have finally accepted myself as lesbian. But, my mom is a pretty serious christian and i'm freaking out about coming out to her. She has said before to me about homosexuality that, "if my son or daughter were like that I would still love them but I wouldn't necessarily support them". Yes, this did help me a little bit because I now know that she will still love me when I come out but...Whenever I watch a show that has a homosexual couple in it she'll be like, "turn that off. I don't wan't that in my house". Also, she has a gay friend and I asked her one day why she accepts her friend but doesn't support others. She said, " because I know his heart and that he has good intentions". I thought, 'if I come out to her she will accept me because she knows my heart and that I have good intentions'

    I know that she loves me and would never kick me out of the house, but i'm stills scared that I will never have the same relationship with her. She was a single mother and my whole family says that I have a relationship with her that they want with their children. I was raised in a christian preschool and went to sunday school every sunday. So, I was raised with the idea that homosexuality is a sin. But,obviously I don't think it is.

    I'm just wondering what would be some good things to say when I eventually come out to her.
     
  2. Noodle72

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    If you know that she would be fine with it (even if she wouldn't necessarily support it, but that she would be okay with it), then you could just tell her that you don't want your relationship with her to change, or something like that.
    I hope this helps! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Itsasecretx

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    Sounds like your mum would still accept you if you cane out to her x.. that's so nice to see in Christian families.
    My mother is religious.. and of course I am her child and she cant disown me, but she hates homosexuality with a passion. We have had fights about it before.. saying she couldn't accept someone as Gay.. ever.

    So that's turned me off coming out to her...

    Good luck and I hope you can build the courage to come out to your mum.. I'm sure she will still love you ♡
     
  4. guitar

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    One thing to mention is you don't have to come out to her right now. You're still young & I'm guessing not financially independent. Not supporting you could mean helping you through school and compromise your relationship. I don't want to scare you, but just be aware of what can happen.

    You might want to start dropping hints you could be LGBT. Maybe mention things that are in the news or talk about a friend at school who might be gay and how you support them.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Unless your mom brings it up, I would avoid the topic of religion. It sounds like she isn't hostile, even if she does have misgivings about LGB relationships, so she may not even bring religion into it.

    I'm pleased you shared this with us, because it seems to offer you a way of raising the subject with you mom. You could say something like this:
    "Remember when you said you support ???? because you know his heart and that he has good intentions... do you feel the same about me? I too am gay/lesbian".

    If your mom brings religion up, you can reassure her that you still believe (assuming you do :slight_smile:) and may find it helpful to read/save these links from two affirming Christian sources:

    john pavlovitz | Stuff That Needs To Be Said

    Interview: Desmond Tutu on gay rights, the Middle East and Pope Francis - Religion News Service

    Also, have the contact details for PFLAG available: PFLAG National

    The most important thing is to remain calm and confident (as you can be) when you come out. Don't get upset or annoyed as it will set a bad tone and make the whole process so much more difficult. Even worse, it could convince your mom that you are not happy about your sexuality and increase her resistance. So think about what you want to say and how you intend to say it and then go with that.

    Good luck.