This is gonna be long, but if anyone can help out I'd appreciate it. I'm deeply in love with this girl who lives an hour away from me, we have a long distance thing going on. Last Saturday we met for our first date and we only got an hour together due to some external complications, but this girl and I kissed and held hands and now I know that I am even more in love with her than I can fathom, I want her. My problem is that there's no way to be with her at all, and we both know it. She's out of the closet but I'm still in it, living with homophobic parents... I have no car and she doesn't either and transportation plus timing is never gonna work for us, just the hour long date we had Saturday took so much planning and energy... I want to get to her and I have no idea what to do...this relationship is everything to me right now and I'm depressed and suicidal stuck in the closet for years and keep getting pushed back in. I can't come out to my parents yet or I may get kicked out but idk if I should come out to my aunt (she's a cool aunt) but I can't imagine coming out and then having to reveal I have a girlfriend and that I need a ride to her. That's not okay and it'll sound like I am using her to get to my girlfriend (which is true tbh.) and plus I don't think she'd drive me there anyway once a month I mean we'd have to take the freeway and traffic is a killer... There's no way to be with my girlfriend, we can wait a year but she and I are sick of long distance, we need the physical exposure to each other... Our relationship is static and has remained that way for months now, at this point we see nothing ahead but breaking it off for a year and catching up with each other when we have our shit together...but I don't want that. In a year I imagine she may not be in love with me anymore and I can't imagine the heart break honestly of devoting all this time to doing this all for her just to not end up with her. I am depressed, and idk what to do really...I go to therapy and normally I'm a happy lil person but after the date everything has gotten so real and is weighing down hard on me...I have no where to turn. I have talked to friends and cousin and there's just nothing to do...
Have you thought about making your parents believe she's just a friend. Since you're a girl it wouldn't make any gaydar go off if you were to invite a girl to sleepover. If your parents think that you're just good friends it may get easier to see each others. (Just keep the lovey dovey stuff for when you're alone)
Do you have an older sibling you could tell? Or maybe like the person above suggested telling your parents you've meet a new friend but not telling them what type of friend. I understand that you're tired of being in the closet, if you feel more comfortable telling friends you should tell them and that's one step out. There are a lot of people on here that have told their friends but not parents yet. Good luck
