I think I messed up...

Hi guys and ladies

I think I really messed up today :tears:

I go to college with the guy I have a major crush on. We got out of our first class early, so we went outside and sat on a bench to talk. We weren't sitting like close or anything --- just normal I guess. He started talking about relationships... He told me he never had a girlfriend before, which I responded to with the same thing. I've never been in a relationship either. So then he asks what my views are on the whole thing --- basically why I haven't...

Oh my god... I wanted to come out SO BAD because I'm totally closeted. I got distratced though --- there were other students walking close to us, and I don't want to come out to the world --- I'm not ready for that! I felt my tongue in my throat and just basically made a trainwreck out of it. I hesitated and studdered through what is about the same as this... "Well, I-I-uh... I'm just really busy with work and stuff---" basically I said the worst thing possible I figure. Then he said "Yeah, I'm pretty busy with work too. I want one eventually though." :tears::tears::tears:

So now I messed up what was supposed to be me coming out, and now I have my first concrete signal that he's straight. I'm so angry with myself right now for not telling him the truth in the first place! I should have just said to hell with those random people passing by. I just couldn't do it...

I have to come clean with him... What should I do? Should I wait until we're both more distant from others to come out? I'm so lost! :tears:

 

Thanks for replying

No, my signal was that he wants a girlfriend one day. I guess it's no better than "I'm busy with work", but I literally haven't gotten any signals out of him since I've known him (3 months). I nver got a feeling he was gay, but not one he was straight either. Him saying he wants a girlfriend someday was the most powerful I've gotten out of him so far.

I guess it's not better than what I said --- he COULD be making it up. That just means he's a slightly better actor than I am. I just feel so stupid for messing that up today.

Does my new little plan sounds like it might work? Just tell him when we're more distant from people? I could bring it up with, "hey, remember the other day when we were talking..." and just let it go from there and when it comes out, it comes out? I feel guilty for not telling him the truth, but I freaked out. I didn't expect him to bring that up right then and there.

Thanks again (*hug*)

 

You certainly know how to make a person feel better (*hug*)

I think I can stick to it --- I've been seriously considering it for the first time... I've never seriously thought of coming out to anyone before. I'm at the stage where I'm anxious to just let it out.

You're right though. Structure is what's going to make me do it. I'll think on it tonight and find the situation I'll need to replicate to make this work.

Thanks for your support - everyone (*hug*)

If anyone has further contributions they'd like to share, please, by all means do so! I really do appreciate the support though!

Lex, what makes you think his signals go the other way? I can see how it's a somewhat indirect answer, but I'm curious what it is in your eyes that says that.

Thanks! (&&&)

 

Thanks

I'm going to see if I can talk to him tomorrow. I haven't gotten my mind off of it since.

 

Thanks

I was really upset earlier, becuase I was going to come out to him today. I messaged him early in the morning, and asked that he text me if he got out of class early. Once I was at school I realized that "omg, I forgot my work clothes" as I go right to work from school. So I drove home between classes to pick them up. I was about 20 mins away from the school (on ym way to it) when he called. He didn't have lunch yet due to class, and so he went home. I didn't really ask him to wait --- I figured it might be best when we're both fresh and such. I really wanted to do this today, but it looks like it'll have to wait until next week

Thanks guys (*hug*) I'm hoping I'll hear what I want later.

 

Tomorrow's the big day (Nov. 17)... If I can get him in the right place tomorrow (somewhere away from a lot of people) then I'm going to come out.

Thanks for your support guys (*hug*)

 

Ok, looks like tomorrow's the big day... I didn't get a chance at all. I can't really expain --- we were just never in a place where we were alone. I know tomorrow will work out better as far as the schedule though. I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks! (*hug*)