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Re: Social Life Sucks

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by trikuriboh, Nov 12, 2008.

  1. trikuriboh

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    So I'm having trouble having a social life. See I got no job since I go to school and my parent's won't let me work if I'm in school. And well without a car it makes it worse being that I have to rely on them for everything which sucks in a way, but usually it doesn't since I don't ask for much. Sorry back to point.
    So at school its just hard for me to talk to guys I like cause well I assumme like every guy I meet is straight except the ones who wear their sexuality "on their sleeve". But I've never been one of those kinds of guys who comes off as gay, well maybe once in a while, but typically more girls tend to check me than guys. 10 girls to 1 guy that's every semester probably a month. Cause well those r the guys I know r gay or believe to be gay. I tend to go after the straight acting guys.
    Anyways I want a boyfriend and well a social life and well my family doesn't know I'm gay, but I don't want to tell them at all. And well I just want to get out there and meet people and nearly did last weekend, although I had to cancel on a friend of a friend who well was going to stay out late. I mean till 3 which my curfew (yes I have a curfew) is at 12, latest probably I could stay out if I continually call is at 1:30. So with my parent's its hard to have a social life, during the week with school it's hard to have a social life. And with friends well they r usually busy with other friends (most of my friends r straight), but since I can't convince them to go out with me to a gay club well I've got no where really to turn to. So that's what I need advice on. Without a car, a way to get a car, and well having good friends, but no best friends or close friends how can I get a social life without u know totally annoucing that I'm gay?
     
  2. Lexington

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    Honestly, from this angle, it looks like most of your barriers to a social life are self-erected.

    Gay-acting guy? "I don't go for them."
    Straight-acting guy? "He's probably straight, so he's not worth the trouble."

    See how easy that is?

    If you really want a social life - as in "having people to do stuff with" - then you're going to have to throw all that by the wayside. You're going to have to start talking to people. Both "gay" and "straight" people. Because maybe some of those straight guys aren't that straight after all. And maybe that gay guy isn't really your type, but he could still be a good friend, and chances are he has plenty of other gay friends, as well, and perhaps one is more your type. And you know what? Talk to women, too. Because women can kick just as much ass as guys, and who knows? Maybe they know a good guy for you. So just start talking. Get to know some people. As you get to know them, invite them to lunch, or to a study session. Keep working on expanding the social circle.

    As far as "social life" meaning "dating/sex", well, honestly, that's gonna be a lot harder. Because you're not going to get many offers if nobody knows you're on the market. Most stunningly attractive gay-but-act-straight guys don't go door-to-door looking for potential mates who might be stuck in the closet. It's hellaciously easier to just ask out the guys who are out. But perhaps once you start making friends (especially with the gay guys), that part will come naturally.

    Lex
     
  3. Dark Secret

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    What Lex says: You need to stop building walls and start building bridges.

    Put yourself out there and start mingling with - and talking to - other people; it's the only way you're going to make friends and be seen.
     
  4. trikuriboh

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    But its so hard making friends I mean I really suck at making casual conversation and well ending it. I mean in class it's easy, but then like I don't know when to shut up which lately I've been trying to. Anyways I have been meeting people, but it just is kind of hard since well I just have those barriers I guess and well think they might not like me at all.
     
  5. Lexington

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    You're right - they might not like you. In which case, they'll let you know. They won't answer your questions, or they'll only answer in monosyllabic ways. In which case, you stop talking to them, and find other people to talk to. And you keep at it until you find someone you click with, and away you go.

    Lex