I have only recently come out to myself about my bisexuality and have only told a few people: girlfriend, good friend or two, and past professor. There are others that I would like come out to but I am very reluctant. I worry that there are too many people that are close to me that would get hurt, wouldn't understand, or be overwhelmed. Along with the fear of greatly complicating my own life. I have looked for other resources and support groups but they are difficult to come by in my area, or meetup times conflict with schedules. So my overall question is who have you come out to and when did you decide that maybe you shouldn't have or it was the best choice. Sometimes I feel that if I were to come out that it may help others; I work with you adults/teens, but I also worry that young adults/teens talk and I'm not ready to have others know about me. Same is true of certain friends that I would like to talk to and that I suspect they may even have a shared identity, but I'm not all that confident. ~E
I recently came out to some friends and now when I look back at it, I realize that it is all in our head. Nothing really changes in the world when you come out, they will be shocked for a day or so, and they would forget about it very soon. Why? Because they will watch you closely only to realize that you've told them something they will never see - being intimate with someone of your own sex... Do you understand me? One friend laughed at me and said it was OK, another was shocked and stunned, but now things are like the good old times, nothing really changed. Plus you have a girlfriend why do you feel the need to disclose your sexuality with other people!?
I started coming out about a year ago. I told a few close friends then and some knew before me. Luckily they were all extremely supportive. Since then I told another group of friends, I kind of just blurted it out casually at a get together at a friends house, they were all fine with it. Some were real happy for me, others reacted indifferently, but never negative. A month ago I told my mum, who simply told me she still loves me. She was a bit baffled, because she had never expected it, but there was no negativity what so ever. I can only tell you that it was a big relief when I started telling people, and it was a lot less scary then I expected. Try to start with someone you really trust and then you can still see how it goes and how it feels. Now I just tell anyone who asks, just because it feels good to finally be me ( with the exception of my sister and grandparents, but that is just because they tend to get overly dramatic and I really don't care for drama. They'll figure it out when I meet someone) Good luck!
I came out to my best friend last year and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. At first he found it strange but it didn't take him long to come around. Now we're best buds again and do everything together. like others have said, you need to ask yourself why you want to come out? You already have a gf. Do you need to disclose your sexuality to others? All I can say is good luck!
Thanks all for the feedback. For those who asked, why I would worry when I already have a girlfriend? Is because at this point, my sexual orientation in not just about who I sleep with and/or care for, it's about my identity. As you get a little older, the person you become is made up through you ethnic, racial, gender, sexual, and cultural identity and you find that sometimes people do not understand you; they don't relate. For example, have you ever met some one who you weren't sure if they were Hispanic, Filipino, or Polynesian and you felt the urge to ask, "what are you?" This is because you want to understand who they are so that you can communicate at a different level. One could easily make the mistake of assuming that a person is Hispanic and maybe they may be Hispanic and would be quick to speak in Spanish, when in reality they are Filipino and the communication is distorted and misunderstood. The same is true with sexuality, one can assume I'm heterosexual, and communicate with me as a heterosexual and have hetero-sexists ideologies and attitudes, but they are not speaking in my language; and I'm often offended, hurt, or feel ashamed by their words. One thing to do would be to correct them and let them know that I'm bisexual, or I can choose to keep quiet. Some of my close friends and family may be accepting others wouldn't. One thing for sure is that it would be interesting to see just how many of my good friends would remain good friends. ~E
I understand why you want to come out to people, and it makes sense. Being bisexual is your identity, and by only acknowledging your attraction to women, it's like you're cutting off a piece of yourself that matters just as much. Even while in a relationship with a woman, I think that if you want to come out about your bisexuality, then you definitely should. I mean, just because I'm not dating a woman right now, doesn't mean that I feel the need not to tell people that I'm a lesbian. Being in an opposite-sex relationship also doesn't make you any less bi. That being said, you don't "have to" come out to people if you don't want to. I mean, it's a personal decision, and I think that you should do it on your own terms. Sometimes there are people in your life that you may never come out to, and that's okay too. But, I do think coming out to the people who matter in your life is very freeing, and a good experience to have. After all, if they're good friends, they're going to eventually accept it, even if it confuses them at first.
I first opened up to a close friend (breaking down crying, which I laugh to think about looking back!) who I knew would understand and respect my decision. I felt so good after that, that I just began to tell a person every once in a bit whom I felt comfortable telling, until the people within my immediate friend group knew. Then my mom of course (moms are the best!), followed by my dad. After being reassured by all my loved ones support, I eventually told the people who knew it's no longer a secret and it organically spread from there! I had the advantage of being already in grade 12, in a rather accepting yet extremely non diverse small town high school. I wasn't subject to any bullying, but I knew I was one of the very lucky ones.
