Do you get nervous about coming out to people you aren't close to?

When I initially came out, I had a harder time telling more distant people about my sexuality. The more time that went by, the easier it got however. Some people I'm just not comfortable telling, whether it be because of an extremely professional relationship, or because I know how their personality would react to that kind of news. Some people just not built for uncomfortable!

 

It does get better, but I'll admit that I still get a little bit nervous telling some people. Many times it depends on their personality; if the other person is warm and open I will have few qualms about telling them, but if they seem rather cold or judgemental I need to brace myself just a little bit more. It still doesn't stop me from telling them, because even if they react badly, I don't give a shit - it's just that I'd rather not deal with their shit. I'm one of those strange folks that wants a nice, quiet life.

I'd really advise you to tell the truth if you are asked about boyfriends, because a vague "no" answer from you will most likely plant a seed in their mind anyway. That's certainly been my experience.

 

im terrified about the thought of being completely out, to the point of extreme anxiety and depression. i really dont get it though since everyone i have come out to so far has been supportive. i guess im just strange :/

 

The closest I've come to coming out has been in a lecture at uni with people I don't really know, but I was more out of rage than anything. I like playing the devils advocate and this girl was talking about how 'people shouldn't be punished for their beliefs' so I explained then that should religious people who refuse to serve gays not be punished and be allowed to carry on doing so. She answered saying 'oh well it's different' and I pushed her for an explanation of how is it different, which she couldn't do. Then she starts attacking me like I'm a homophobe when I didn't express any opinion I only presented a theoretical situation, then she shouts 'do you know how many gay people attempt suicide'.

That pushed a very particular button for me as it's the position I was in not so long ago, I was so close to full on lashing out at her with something along the lines of 'well not all of us are double standard preaching liberal morons living in a world of milk and honey, who cannot differentiate argument from opinion. I am gay and have lived through years of hate, loathing and suicidal feelings , but nothing offends me more than your left wing tirade of nonsense, so stop acting like you support gay people and wake up to reality'.

Oh damn, that feels good to type!

 

I consider me like out but I'm always a little nervous when I say it and that depends on people also. At the beginning, I was very reserved on this subject, for fear of shocking people or having inappropriate remarks. I learned early that I don't have to be ashamed of who I am. I made a strength rather than a weakness ! That helped me to accept my homosexuality. I have discussed about it easily around me since.

 

I'm in this awkward situation where half the school knows I'm out as trans and the other half still calls me "she" and uses my birth name simply because they don't know. To be honest, if it's someone I don't know well (and someone I don't NEED to talk to) then I just grit my teeth and ignore it. It's just not worth the effort of explaining everything in response to a casual "Hello, <birthname>", especially since I'm getting out of highschool/hell in a few months.

When I do have to come out to someone unfamiliar though, I admit it's kind of scary. People tend to be even more bigoted against trans people than gay and bi folks due to misinformation, so I there's always the chance that I would end up outing myself to a transphobe and end up getting harassed/insulted. Not that I would hide myself back in the closet though. If I'm forced to work with you and you keep calling me by the wrong name and pronouns, I will introduce my fist in your face.

 

Well, I not yet coming out to people who I don't have a intimidate. But, when this happen one day, I will be prepared for all kind of reactions.

 

Personally, I feel like it's easier for me to tell people that I don't know very well as compared to my family, for example. But then again, I've never opened a conversation with "Hey, I'm into guys!" XD

Truth is, though, you don't need to tell every single person right away, if it makes you uncomfortable. Let them find out when the topic actually comes up (not just "do you have a boyfriend?") unless it's too important to not tell. Just my thoughts, though.

 

I am all for being open and honest about my sexuality. However I don't mind keeping it private telling those who I know will accept me rather than risking rejection. It was my boyfriend's approach to any situation that we should only be out to gay people and I respect that approach because it is more safe and peaceful. So it really depends on the individual or the group of people I am around. I mean coming out to work, in groups, or to strangers is not really a priority to me unless they are gay I would consider it. I just rather have my privacy and dating someone who is not out to his family or community is very much ok with me.

 

I'm of Onyx Wolf's opinion as well, in many ways it's easier to come out to new people because they have no previous history with you, no expectations that you are straight & really nothing to lose if they don't accept you (besides the rare event you get attacked or something).

Plus with people you've known for a while, an explanation is usually necessary.

 

well, I don't feel like I need to tell "the rest of the story" to anybody and everybody, and in fact lots of people aren't really that interested. A question like "do you have a boyfriend" is kind of a generic question to make small talk. Now, if you think that the question is leading somewhere (like a guy who wants to ask you out) or not leading somewhere (like a girl who's interested but wants to figure out if you might be available), then that changes the whole picture. I guess the point is, just looking at what the point is of telling more or not.

 

Yeah, I barely come out to people I don't know. Half of it is fear and half of it is just being tired of dealing with stupid people. Straight people don't even believe lesbians exist and are going to force men down my throat either way, so....I'd rather stay closeted since the reactions won't change.

 

Well I'm not out to anyone but I have to say that I feel it'd be a lot easier with someone I don't know as well. Why? Because of the whole 'I have a lot less to lose' if I don't get the hoped for reaction.

Let's say I met someone and, after getting to know them a bit, something popped up that would lead me to 'breaking the news'...I could probably get it out after a bit of hesitation because, if they leave, 'bye'. As for the flip side, there's no way I'd feel at all comfortable telling someone like family; that idea is terrifying as hell to even make mention of.

This is all hypothetical of course, but you get my my point.

 

It's weird, on paper I thought it would be easier to tell people I'm not close with that I'm a lesbian because if they're not accepting I could just move on (it's not like we were close anyway). But it's actually surprisingly difficult. As much as I want to live as honestly and openly as I can, sometimes it's easier to just say no to the typical "do you have a boyfriend" question (which, like you, I get a lot). Especially if its asked by your hairdresser, or a new acquaintance. Unfortunately it seems like "coming out" will be a lifelong process for me, but I think there will come a time when I just don't care anymore who knows.

 

Actually, I find it waay easier to tell the people I'm not close to. My family doesn't know, but all my friends and I could tell everyone that I'm gay, just not my family. They're really accepting, but I don't like talking feelings with them.
You shouldn't worry, often strangers that aren't accepting don't have anything to say to you, and if they do, just snap back at them and they'll be so chocked they don't dare to talk to you in that way again.

 

well, when your friends father asked you if there were any guys you were interested in and you just said know, that showed that he was respecting appropriate boundaries and not continuing to pry. there are a lot of situations in life, and a good host never wants to make a guest uncomfortable. and it sounds like he was just trying to make polite conversation. when it was clear that you didn't want to take it any further, that was a good time to change the subject. if there was someone you were interested, you would have welcomed the opportunity to gush on about them. it sounds like he understood that.

 

Coming out in general has proven to be a terrifying prospect. The few people to which I came out were anywhere between indifferent to supportive. Maybe I just played my cards correctly. I am so nervous when it comes to coming out to people with whom I am close, let alone strangers...yikes, the thought gives me the creeps.