Hi although we have been best friends for 18 years we do not talk about relationhips that often, she will tell me hen she has got a date for security but thats as far as it goes, we have never talked about our sexuallity or anything like that. I had been in denial for years but its only been this year (after months of anxiety) that I have been able to put a name to the feelings I was denying. I feel like I owe it to her to be the first person to tell but my problem is that we have been friends since we were 5, she is my only close friend and I am afraid that if I tell her this then we will stop being friends like we are now. I was hoping that I could get away with telling her in a text as my communication skills are very bad when it comes to things that matter (plus i'm a very emotional person) but thinking about it I think I owe it to her to tell her in person I just dont have a clue about how to do it any advice would be greatly appreciated (*hug*)
First thing: If you're still not sure, TELL HER THAT! Seriusly, she will trust you so much more if you say something like, "Look, I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but I have had this problem for a while and I feel bad keeping it from you. I think I'm bi *insert disclaimer proving you're not into your best friend here*. I'm not sure, but it seems like it might be true. You've been my best friend for 18 years and I don't want to lose you." ect. Do not tell her in a text, that's right up there with asking someone out on facebook. LAME! :eusa_doh: If you've been best friends for that long, I can honestly say you will more than likely not lose her. She trust you, and obviously you trust her. Trust is the basis of love and friendship, you you already have your base set to go. One thing: She may be upset, confused, uneasy at first. Give her space and make it clear that if she has questions you'll answer them (as best you can). Seriusly, that right there has saved so many friends I thought I had lost. My last bit of advice. You said you were emotional, don't hold it in. Seriously, that's the worst thing you can do. Let her know how much it hurts to be scared to tell her whats going on in your life. Good luck, and PM me if you need someone to lend an ear. If there's one thing I'm good for that's it. (*hug*)
Well hun, I agree with what's been posted above. I think that if this person is a TRUE friend, then she will respect you for coming out and appreciate you for who you are. If not, then she's not a loyal friend. I don't think the message will be received harshly. Good luck (*hug*)
I was so lucky when I came out as bi to my best friend.We had been best friends since she was 8 and I was 10 and I was sure that I would lose her when I told her,but all she said was that it didn't change a thing that we were still best friends.She even told me that her parents(who are like my second parents) would have no problem with it whenever I came out to them.I think that since you have been friends for so long she is going to be supportive of you. Good luck!
thanks for all the advice its much appreciated.(&&&) Ok so i've decided to tell her today, I met up with her yesterday and it felt like there was a big fat wedge between us, i've asked her to meet me for a drink at a pub which I know has a seperate pool room (one of our favourite past times) so hopefully that will help.
Good luck! Do remember that people tend to pick on cues from us. If you treat it like a horrible painful secret, they well, as well. If you treat it more like "This is something I'm working on, and I'm not sure where exactly I stand", she'll be more likely to follow suit. Lex
:tantrum::bang: Ok so as things do I planned to tell her but the right moment didn't turn up, we spent alot of the day driving around which I thought telling her then would be a bad thing to do, when we finally got to the pub (a different one to the one I planned) we had 30 mins before we had to go meet another friend so again if I told her then she wouldn't have had time to ask any questions before meeting said friend. When we met up with this friend they were both making jokes about gay and bisexual people which really annoyed me and gave my confidence a knock so I never actually told her in the end. On a positive side we are going to a self defence class on tuesday so she's not as peeved at me than I thought
