After many years as identifying as a lesbian and struggling with it since, I think I finally realize I'm actually bi. I think I had a lot of personal baggage and past pain, that I won't get into, that just convoluted everything and made it hard for me to know my true identity. Everyone close to me in my life knows I'm a "lesbian" for a long time and it's killing me to keep this all in but afraid to come out again as something else (bi) because I feel: A. They won't believe me and think I'm trying to be something they think I'm not B. They think I'm making some kind of quirky joke like the hints I realized I dropped in the past that no one took seriously, including myself C. I specifically think my parents and family will somehow warp all this in their head and define it in a way that will please them like "oh goodie, now she likes men so she'll find a man and get married and live a "normal life", "just stick to men" How will I know when the right time to tell people this? How long should I wait? I want to be sure of myself before I tell anyone but it hurts not having anyone, besides my therapist, to confide in but at least I have one unbiased objective person to talk to about it.
Hi Jade When you think about your sexuality now, would you say you are still predominantly attracted to women? Even though you don't want to go into the personal baggage and past pain, is there something/someone that has helped to persuade you that you are in fact bi? You touched upon three issues, all of which are important to you, and asked when is the right time and how long should you wait. As far as timing is concerned, you need to make sure it's when you will be listened to. If you try to talk about it when everyone is rushing around or responding to stress you will not get a fair hearing, so choose a day/time when there are no pressing issues or crises to deal with. I can't really tell you how long to wait as that really is a matter for you personally, all I would point out is this comment: I don't know if you would rather come out as bi in person or through a letter. The advantage of a letter is that you can fully address all of the issues and explain the change of heart with interruption. If you try to talk about it, you might be distracted by comments or questions and end up feeling as though you have not been heard properly. What are your thoughts about this? Tell us more about your thoughts, if you wish.
