Rant of a faithful church-going gaytheist...

Hey Chibi Giraffe, welcome to EC!

One of the virtues of being an adult is that you have no obligation to do anything you don't want to do, and this includes explaining why you do what you do.

Do you live with your parents or are you autonomous?

You need to ask yourself why keeping up appearances is important to you. Yes, if you should decide to quit the church, there will be a kerfuffle, no doubt about it, but I give it 48 hours, tops, before normal life will resume and your not being there will be the "new normal".

Most people don't really care all that much, you need to realize that they have their own urgent lives to attend to and will not devote much mental energy to persuading you to stay.

As a grown adult, it is your choice whether you attend, it is you who gets to exercise the privilege of being an adult. No need for attitude or telling anyone off. Just don't go and exercise your right to remain silent...you owe no one any explanation, excuse, or anything else to justify your actions; other than your God-given right to do as you please (within the law, of course).

 

I feel for you. I have to go through the same thing kinda. I am an agnostic atheist also but because of the region I am in, saying I am an atheist would put my life at risk. The people here pray literally 24/7. I am a much more busier person so I am not always with them but even this makes me considered a bad person. My town has maybe about 6000 people in it ( I travel a lot to a bigger city ) and I know of at least 20 church's here. They typically go to mass Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with occasional weekday prayer sessions. Last week the village put out all there crosses and artifacts and spent the better part of 8 hours travelin from house to house praying ( they are actually here today to a prayer session!) it's not uncommon for you to hear people chanting prayers and saying "I love you Jesus" 2am because they believe so much in sacrifice that they do this! Along with that the shops stop serving meat because of lent or something!
Enough with the ranting lol. Yeah for an athiest I am just kinda like when can this be over!

 

I honestly wouldn't tell them. To much of a trouble to deal with for something in opinion unimportant to you. When you are on your own and away from this church crazy environment you will all set - it's not gonna change how they act even if you tell them.

 

Talk about a sticky situation!
I can sort of relate. When I stopped believing in god several years ago I remember feeling intensely anxious about going to church. Like everyone could see that I thought the whole thing was pointless. What helped me to "cut the ties" and stop going to church was building a support network of friends with similar beliefs. After that its much easier to be honest with people at church. I know meeting new people is easier said than done. Maybe you could explore other hobbies or interests?

 

A driver's license shouldn't be required for all jobs. At least get a state ID card for proof of identity. If you can get to a job by bicycle or walking, that may be your best first step. Cars, insurance, and licensing are expensive, so you need the job first.

Once you have a job, any job - the next order of business is to get that driver's license. First, study the driver's manual and get a learner's permit. Then take a class (much less expensive than any car) to get some practice driving (on somebody else's car) so you can pass the driving test.

Once you've passed that driving test, you have your Golden Ticket: a driver's license - an ID card accepted in all 50 states and the ability to escape to FREEDOM!!! Of course, that card is not much use without a car, but even a cheap beater of a car will get you out of Dodge when need be, and open up opportunities to socialize outside your current environment ... and eventually move.

Is there any way you can return to school, especially at a non-religious institution? If you flunked out of college, the best thing to do is study up, retake entrance exams, then enroll in a community college and start knocking out your required courses. Then with a year or two of better grades under your belt, you can transfer into a four-year university, or stay put and finish your degree.

In addition to the homophobia, a lot of highly religious people do their children wrong by limiting their access to (secular / accredited) education. If your only schooling option is a church-affiliated school, at least make sure it has accreditation so your courses can transfer to another institution later, as your ultimate goal is to remove yourself from your current situation. And the most likely ways to do that are either a new job, or a transfer into another school.

I hear you about not being treated as an adult, despite being over 21. Even though I got my license shortly after my 16th birthday (and am over 40 now), I have relatives who act as if I'm not grown up because I didn't marry (the opposite sex). They just go through my mom if they want to talk to me, rather than recognizing me as a grown man.

I have this sinking feeling that if I'd entered a hetero marriage and sired some children, they'd think I grew up. But because I am gay (and not 'out' to them) they still think I am like an overgrown child.

---------- Post added 23rd Mar 2015 at 04:51 PM ----------

Also, check out this link. If the agnostic part of you still thinks it is important to go to church for social reasons, there may be gay-affirming churches in your area. Here is a list maintained for North Carolina.

Link: GayChurch.org – List Churches by U.S. State / Canadian Province

North Carolina is a Southern state with a lot of conservative churches, but this is a pretty long list. Are any of these close to where you live?

 

It sounds like you have one major problem, with two separate strands:
. You no longer believe in a supreme deity (God)
. Leaving your church community would further isolate you

So how can you live according to your values and still maintain the social dimension of congregational meeting?
Unitarian Universalist Association | UUA.org

I wonder if you have considered Unitarian Universalism? Have a look at their website, see what they stand for and check to see if there is a congregation near to where you live. I'm sure you will you be able to contact them directly if you have any questions.

Moving to a different denomination/church will cause frustration and bitterness amongst the people you are leaving behind and it may result in some short term hostility, but I'm confident you would find a new and accepting home (and friends) within the UUA, if you so wish. It's a very broad church with people of different beliefs and values, including agnosticism, so you wouldn't have to make any grand gestures or apologise to your family or outsiders for not believing. For all they would know, you may still believe within the framework of Unitarianism.

It seems to be a good middle way. So rather than thinking about your last service at one church, you could think about your first service at a new church.

What do you think?

 

OP, the truth is that I am a believer in Christ, and I do see value in going to church. However, I can certainly acknowledge that a lot of churches do a great job of speaking of Sin and condemnation and do not talk nearly as much about the unconditional, redeeming Grace of Jesus Christ. Just remember that pastors who stand comfortably up in their pulpits and declare that homosexuality is an abomination are plenty guilty themselves of their own sins. They need the grace and forgiveness of a Savior too. I do believe that whatever you are going through, Jesus loves you, my friend, and He will always watch over you even when you don't think He is. My hope is that you would not allow an unfavorable church experience to push you away from the God at the heart of the very imperfect human worship that often characterizes Christianity. But I also know that is your choice, and the Bible says God wants our yes to be yes and our no to be no. In other words, don't keep going to church if you hate it. At least not that church. Picture a line in the sand. On one side is a belief in Christ. On the other is not. I think for your own good, you should stop straddling that line and choose a side. Only when walking in truth can you find peace, regardless of how hurtful some truths can be.

 

Isn't it funny how a common thread in your church is having everyone bond over how much they hate gay people? Keep the flock together by creating a common enemy. "At least we're all not sinners like those gays..."

 

Indeed some Christians have a way of making homosexuality out to be some sort of "Super Sin" that is so much worse that other sins. This is not biblically true, however, and we must see through its deception. All sin is equal in God's eyes, and we all stand condemned were it not for the amazing grace of a loving Savior.