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When do I drop the L word

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RuralMedAU, Nov 13, 2008.

  1. RuralMedAU

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    I have another thread about this guy on here but things have changed. He has gotten back together with a previous ex. The other night he pulled me aside and asked why I had been ignoring him and not looking at him when we were around each other. He was upset that our friendship had declined. We don't talk like we used to. I have been in love with him but all he knows is that I have feelings for him. This same night he asked me why I had kept a secret from him and didn't tell him. I thought it was that I was in love with him. That wasn't it but in trying to get him to allude to what the secret he was talking about I asked if it had to do with me and him. Then he started asking what I was talking about and I kept telling him that it was not a good time to tell him but I would when the time was right. My question is when is a good time.
     
  2. Markio

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    Does he know that you're gay? Is his ex a girl?
     
  3. RuralMedAU

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    Yes he knows and no he has bf
     
  4. Gumtree

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    Do you think telling him is going to make any difference for him?
     
  5. RuralMedAU

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    He will know im serious, i want to tell him when it will make a difference
     
  6. george678

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    I would do It when you are together alone.
    I would personally arrange something and tell him you love him.
     
  7. Gumtree

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    So you think that telling him will make a difference then?

    Love is strong word; it's something couples normally take a while say, then even longer to mean.

    If the guy doesn't feel the same, there are going to be inevitable repercussions.
     
  8. Mickey

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    He's with somebody,right? Do you think NOW is a good time to tell him?
    In the end,it's up to you,but remember,he's taken. I don't want to see
    you get hurt. Good luck.
     
  9. Peter

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    Be very careful with this. I believe in being open and honest whenever possible, however you may come across as "clingy" or "needy" which is a turn-off. I would suggest that you say sorry that you have been a little distant, but you felt a little bit jealous. Tell him that you are feeling better now, you want to stay his friend and you will always be there if he ever needs you. Then, give him a hug. In the coming months, be a friend, be supportive and do not interfere in his love life. You may quietly hope that they break-up, but whatever you do, do not encourage or provoke that to happen. Be a friend in need, not a needy friend.
     
  10. RuralMedAU

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    Im going to tell him, I just need some advice about if it should be now while he is dating someone or til he is single again
     
  11. n8i2c7k

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    But youll never know if he IS going to be single again. I would just do like Peter said. Be careful but tell him now. Get him somewere private and have a good talk. Tell him how you feel and tell him youre sorry youve been avoiding him. Tell him you do love him but more importantly you respect his relationship so you just want to be freinds (even if you dont JUST want to be freinds) and that youll always be there for him if he needs you and you want him to be happy even if its not with you. After that go on being his freind and support their relationship. Youre going to have to give him up (for now) if you want to still be freinds. If you pressure him he will turn his back on you and youll be all the more distanced. Not pressuring him means you both can speak freely about the feelings you have for eachother since you know no matter what youll be freinds in the end.

    But tell him. Tell him soon. Either that or give up and move on. Hell, tell him before he developes any really concrete feelings for his ex. That might give you a chance (*hug*)