Sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I work two jobs so I'm usually busy... I did a post last year about coming out to my aunt and her being supportive at first, but then constantly arguing with me about me not really being gay. So she's finally given up on trying to convince me that I'm not gay, but now she doesn't want me to come out. So far I've come out to seven people (both my therapists, my aunt, two former co-workers, my car insurance agent, and the only friend I made in college). Everyone who I've come out to has been super supportive. I had been planning on coming out officially (if that makes sense?) however, every time I make up my mind about it my aunt starts talking me out of it. Anytime I bring it up or even hint at it, she gets upset and says "NUH-UGH!!! YOU NEED TO KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF!!!" Her argument is that no one else in my family or at work would accept me "the same way that she does". Then she'll say things like "Why do you feel like you need to go shoutin' from the rooftop?" or "What do you expect to gain from it?" It's really discouraging. I've been trying to cope with my sexual orientation for a LONG time and anytime I start to feel comfortable with myself, she manages to set me back. Part of me feels like she's genuinely concerned about how I'd feel if people react negatively and the other part feels like she doesn't want me to come out because she thinks it would reflect negatively on her.
I definitely think it's something more to do with her, than it is to do with you. Honestly, even if her logic was that she wants to "protect you" from unsupportive family members, it's still your decision to make. Even so, many family members who don't initially support it eventually do. Some of the things you have quoted her as saying just sound like she's trying to put you down and control this aspect of your life. Furthermore, I'm certain you have family members who will likely be even more supportive than that aunt. Obviously there are no guarantees, and I don't know your family, but odds are somebody there will be supportive and not try to force you into the closet. I think your aunt is trying to make you feel guilty about coming out so you won't, and know that that isn't fair to you. Coming out isn't "shoutin' from the rooftop," it's simply coming clean about something that you have been hiding. (Although "hiding" is really just failing to correct the assumption people have been making, which is that you're straight when you're not.) I think that coming out is a liberating experience, and one that you would benefit from if you feel that you are in the right position in life to do so. Don't let her hold you back if it's what you really want.
You should come out to only those you feel comfortable with at first. Are you independent of your family? That's very important because if your aunt's "acceptance" is as good as it gets, that will be a lot of heartache. My mom says very much the same things, but I have to just let her freak out because I'm dependent on her. I know I need to get out very soon because she is slowly trying to force me back into the closet. As you said, she is also concerned about being judged, especially by her own relatives who have been supportive previously.
That's very controlling, especially in her comments that you can only rely on her. That attitude is possessive and limiting; underneath the words of caution, I think it's realistic to see homophobia in what she's saying. It won't benefit you to heed her advice, as all she will do is restrict you and cut away at your self-esteem. She offers meagre benefits compared to the harm that might be caused.
You should tell your aunt this: "You know how you think people wont accept me because I am gay.." "WELL I ACCEPT ME AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS AND I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM AND I WILL SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS" And you could tell her that you expect to gain liberation and self-acception from relizing your true self. Because you shouldn't have to carry the emotional burden of hiding who you really are anymore. Good luck!
