My apologies if this comes out a little muddled, I will attempt to organize it in an easily understandable way, but I cannot promise that I will be successful. As a preface to this, I'm currently a financially independent 19-year-old college student with very understanding parents. A few months ago, I came out successfully to a couple of my closest friends as a bisexual over winter break, and it went extremely well. I returned to school further north with high hopes that I would be able to finally come the rest of the way out of the closet over time, but as time went on, my doubts and fears came crowding back and choked out what courage I had gathered. You see, I have only a small circle of friends up here, and we are all quite close. We spend the bulk of our time working and playing side by side, and we share the same deep passion for music, our field of study. I became concerned that coming out would disrupt the friendship dynamic, possibly leaving me completely alone up here. I don't make friends very easily, and if I lost any of my friends after already putting down my roots, I find it unlikely that I would find any more. I don't consider any of these people to be homophobic, in fact, one of them even has a gay roommate (although he himself is straight). But for some reason I can't shake the feeling of terror that I would be treated differently, or even excluded from the circle either because of my status or because I wasn't open with them about it in the first place. I had hoped to be fully open and honest from the moment I moved north, but as I was still not fully sure about my identity, I chose to wait, which makes everything much harder. A while back I elected to start openly wearing LGBT pride accessories, hoping that someone would notice and ask me about it, figuring that when asked, I would finally be able to take the plunge, but that plan never really bore any fruit, which put me right back at square one. Now to make matters worse, I've recently begun questioning my gender identity again. I've tried reaching out to the college LGBT pride organization, but their meetings take place when I have a class crucial to my degree. Basically, I'm stuck in a bit of a sticky situation because I lack the courage to tell people about my sexual preferences. Keeping everything bottled up inside for so long has had a bit of an impact on my emotional state for a while now, and I don't really know what to do moving forward. Are my doubts justifiable? Am I just being a coward? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ---------- Post added 27th Mar 2015 at 02:49 AM ---------- The same issues apply with coming out to my parents, despite the fact that I know intellectually that they would be supportive, which is why I included that information at the beginning of my post. I just realized that I neglected to address that issue.
I don't think you are being a coward. It's normal to worry about what other people think about you. That being said, they gave you their approval, and i don't think they would of done that if they didn't actually "approve". I think you are still feeling some of the feelings you had prior to coming out because you are now exposed and people know. However, they did accept you, and they want you to be yourself, so be it. Because that it is the only person you can be. If they haven't started treating you differently or excluding you then they probably wont, and if they do then I doubt it will be because you came out to them. I think its normal to feel like you've been lying to them, but honestly you were lying to yourself more so and they know that. They appreciate that you were able to finally be honest and know that it is a big step. As for your parents I don't really know, but I can relate. I am a 23 year old college student who doesn't live with her parents. I have told my boyfriend I am bisexual (ha, only took me 10 years to accept and 2 1/2 years to tell him) however I don't know if there is a point to telling my parents when I am in what appears to be a straight relationship. Like you I know my parents will be supportive and probably not care but it is still hard. I plan to tell them, because I think it will help allow me to accept it. Good luck!
Hi AnnoNemus! Like heddie2infinity said, you are not being a coward at all. People process things differently and you shouldn't feel like you are any less then everyone else. In terms of telling other people, you tell people whenever you feel ready, it's not a race. If you want to keep it private and only tell people that you are comfortable with telling then that is your business and nobody elses. If you want to tell people, the most important people (as you probably gathered) are the ones that you know and are closer to. If you encounter someone who has a problem with you dating someone of the same-sex, it's more of their issue then yours. If they do, they will be missing out on someone who could enrich their own life. Most importantly, do not feel guilty about holding this back, because you have done what maybe most people will never do due to fear of repercussions, so you have done the hard part, do what you want to do and LIVE IT!! Not hardcore or do anything stupid, but just...do something for you and disregard everyone elses feelings about your sexual preference, because it's yours and yours only...hope this helps?
