Hi all! I'm in need of some guidance. At 24 years old, I've come out to my family as Pansexual and have a girlfriend...something none of us saw coming My girlfriend and I started as friends with benefits (not my proudest moment) while I experienced a panic attack and internal crisis for 8 months while I tried claiming I was still straight. Eventually, I woman-ed up and admitted I had fallen in love with her, came out to my family, and soon after asked her to be my girlfriend. That was 6 months ago. Now my parents are telling me that theyre hurt because I lied to them for so long before telling them who I was seeing. I tried explaining that me keeping it from them was in no way an attempt to lie, but they are really hurt. I explained how hard it was for me, that my whole world felt it was crashing down. All they can see is that our relationship is built on 8 months of lying to them, and how badly I hurt them by doing this. I Don't know how to tackle this subject without being angry or defensive. Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you!
I would continue to tell them for the whole 8 months you were lying to yourself so how could you tell them if you didn't know for yourself. And tell them you wanted to be sure of yourself when you did find out and now you know and that is why you are finally telling them. They will come to terms with it and I don't think it needs any further explaining. How can you tell someone about something you have no idea about yourself? You could also put it into an analogy, ask them this, "how am I supposed to tell you what the weather is going to be, if I haven't checked the forecast myself?"
I agree. I can understand why your parents would feel like you were keeping something from them, but it sounds like you just need to reiterate that for those months you yourself were confused and in denial about who you are, so how could you possibly have lied to your parents if you didn't know the truth yourself? I went through something a bit similar: I came out to my parents last month. They felt betrayed when they asked me how long I've known that I was gay. I told them that on some level I've always known, so they were hurt that I'd never opened up about it to them. I had to explain that for years I was in denial about being gay - I didn't want to be gay and I fooled myself into thinking I was straight - so how could I come clean about something I was not only ashamed of, I was actively denying? It wasn't until I accepted myself that I was able to come out to my parents too. They understood, and now we're closer than ever. Don't be angry when you talk to your parents about it. Say you're sorry if they feel hurt, but explain that it was never your intention to deceive them. It is a big deal that you came out and realized you had feelings for your girlfriend, and you wanted to share this news with your parents because you love them. Good luck!
