I have always pushed myself to be what others wanted me to be. I have fit myself into the stereotype of what society wants me to be for as long as I can remember. I have questioned myself many times. Is this really what I want? Is this truly who I am? It must be. It must be, because this is who everyone says I am. Who they want me to be. Wanted me to be. Truth behold, I am not who they wanted me to be. I am not someone who fits into society's model. My family has asked me for years, "Taylor, are you seeing anyone? There has to be some girl that is interesting. Some girl that gets you.you haven't had a girlfriend in years." But that's the thing. There are. There have been plenty of girls that thought there was something, but there isn't. Not on my end at least. I have had girlfriends, but none of those relationships felt good. They felt good in the sense that I was fitting myself into the category society wanted me in, but not to me. I have never truly been happy in any of my relationships. I have just convinced myself that I was. I would just put on my blinders and only see what society wanted me to see. Looking back at about a month ago, I had a thought. I thought about everything I have just told you, and it clicked. It all made sense. At first, I denied it, as I have my entire life. There's no way, how could I be? I fit the model. Then I thought about it. Again and again and again. How can I help myself understand this? Then I thought, why do I need to fit into society's idea? Why do I need to be who others want me to be, in order to be happy? Then I understood it all. I have come to a point where I have accepted myself, and it feels good. Really good. I feel like I have come to a new understanding of myself. Although, it completely freaks me out. It freaks me out because it's not what people want me to be. The idea of what people will say is the worst part, because I'm gay.
Good for you. I'm pretty similar to you too. I basically created a "me" for society to accept. It went on for 27 years.. I was angry, mad, sad, depressed... everything. When I realized that I was hurting and tearing everything down around me that cares about me that's when it hit me. Now that i'm out to my family and close friends, I'm basically relearning everything as the new "me." I'm finally feeling the way I should feel and it's breaking down my walls. Somedays I don't know why I'm crying but I am crying. But that's when I know that I'm doing better and I'm looking forward to be a better person. I know it's hard, I know that you're scared. But when you see things clearly for yourself like what you are doing now, that's when things get better trust me on that. I'm proud of you because I know how hard it is. This is the beginning of a new chapter and don't ever fall back. Things get worst before they get better.
I'm very happy for you! This is a huge step. You should feel proud because you made it this far! Keep doing what you do, and don't let anyone tell you different. Again, I'm very happy that you've found your true self. I wish you well!
You are gay. You said it and the world didn't come to an end. Probably didn't even slow down. Now that you are out, to yourself, you can make a model of who YOU are and what you want to do with your life, not what "they" want you to be and how "they" want you to live your life for them. Congratulations. Now, stop worrying about what "they" will think about you and what "they" will say about you. That is "their" problem to solve. Go find someone who likes you just as you really are, and tell him who you are.
I guess a lot of gay (or other LGBT people) feel/felt the way you do. Society forces you to be someone else, someone that you are not. Without you even realizing it. But I'm happy for you that you finally found your true self good luck!
Congratulations on figuring this out! It wasn't until I accepted the fact that I'm gay that I realized that my whole life has been about doing what other people want me to do, and to be who other people want me to be. And I don't just mean regarding sexual orientation, but every aspect of my life. Though I wonder if trying to be straight when I'm really gay developed a pattern of thinking and behaving that just spilled over into every other aspect of my life. Because coming out to myself certainly allowed me to try to start dealing with my tendency to try to make everyone happy.
