1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

i need advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 1 of 3
  1. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    i have a really good friend who gives me rides home from work at night. she has a friend whos daughter(son) is transgendered and open about it. i am fairly certain that of any thing we would be even better friends if i did tell her. for some reason when ever i think of telling her i get a huge knot in my stomach and am horribly afraid of losing one of my only friends. i know i am being crazy and well i kind of have a feeling she already suspects that i might be. would make it so much easier if she would just ask me hahaha.
     
    #1 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  2. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    You are nervous to come out and that can be hard to overcome. However, I think you are so nervous because of the acceptance that comes along with telling her. I think you are right to trust your gut and tell her and you're psyching yourself out!
     
    #2 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  3. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    i know she wouldnt be judgemental about it or any thing i am more afraid she wont believe me. i know stupid especially how i think she knows. i think im going to try tonight when she picks me up.
     
    #3 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  4. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    That is the hardest part, not thinking people will believe you or that it is a phase. However, I feel in my personal opinion that the best response for that is, to say "I am telling you this because I am fully sure of myself, otherwise I wouldn't take the time to tell you" :slight_smile: Good luck, post back and let us know!
     
    #4 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  5. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    thanks and i will even if i end up not telling her.
     
    #5 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  6. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    :slight_smile: Sounds good, best of luck!
     
    #6 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  7. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    i am so nervous but i think i can do this. i feel like im going to burst.
     
    #7 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  8. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    If you want to do it you can, that is completely up to you! Sometimes that bursting feeling can be because you are so ready to open up though!
     
    #8 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  9. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    so im fairly certain im over the nervousness about telling her but is it rude if i will only tell her if she promises not to tell any one including her husband?
     
    #9 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  10. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I don't think it's rude, you are trusting someone with a internalized secret. Morality tells us that secrets are mean't to be kept, even if asking to do so means keeping it from their husband. That being said to tell someone's secret, that you have promised to keep, is immoral.

    So no I don't think it's wrong, and that is all in personal opinion really. You could ask her, if you could tell her something on the basis that she promises to keep it completely to herself, (not even tell her husband). And see what her response is, and if she says no than respect that. However, I doubt she will!
     
    #10 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  11. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    ok breath i can and will do this... 10min until im off work and wow i am getting very nervous again to the point of being nauseous... sorry i dont mean to be so whiny about this...
     
    #11 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  12. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    You're not being whinny! You just need support I understand! Goodluck!!
     
    #12 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  13. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    omg ok still have about 30min...
     
    #13 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  14. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I can't wait to hear :slight_smile:
     
    #14 headie2infinity, Mar 28, 2015
  15. Hm478267

    Hm478267 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have to either start wearing 3 pair of women's sneakers, with feminine socks, and Capri leggings or I am going to lose the best relationship I've ever had. I want to so bad but the humiliation, looks, comments, and ultimately the unavodable widespread knowledge that I like being the submissive bi partner to a man is hard to accept.

    ---------- Post added 28th Mar 2015 at 10:43 PM ----------

    I already do this privately for him and enjoy it in that setting. Next weekend he wants me to go in the shoe stores, try on, and walk out wearing the shoes he likes. He will come with me and hold my hand or justvwatch from afar. I called each store today and much to my surprise they either have or can get a 12 wide in all three pair between now and next weekend. Do you think my friends are going to want to stop being friends once they see this?
     
    #15 Hm478267, Mar 28, 2015
  16. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    i couldnt do it :'( i dont know why. i know she wouldnt tell any one or make fun of me or any thing like that. i know she would t ditch me as a friend. but every time i tried to say any thing about it my throat would just kind of close up my heart would start racing and i just couldnt speak. i had a really good chance as we were talking about how she would make her dad get her tampons (a different kind every time just to be a bitch (her words)) or if they were shopping she would go to the bras and panties to get rid of him. the worst part is i am fairly certain she knows. i know i cant look at this as a failure and it all takes time and the fact i want to tell her is a good step... i hope... i am starting to wonder if it would be easier to do it by txt... she is giving me a ride home again tomorrow night (one good thing about both of us not having many friends) so i guess i will try again... i guess it took me about 20 years to admit it to my self it will take time to tell other people no matter how much i trust them.
     
    #16 AfraidandAlone, Mar 28, 2015
  17. penta

    penta
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sometimes it might help to write it down on a paper so you can read it to her.
    Just tell her that you find it difficult to tell so you wrote it down.
    Good luck girl!!
     
    #17 penta, Mar 29, 2015
  18. AfraidandAlone

    AfraidandAlone
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    yea i have a hard time with doing things face to face some times. my anxiety likes to take control and i convince my self she will hate me which i know is not true. thank you penta im not used to being called a girl ^_^ i wish i could hug you.
     
    #18 AfraidandAlone, Mar 29, 2015
  19. headie2infinity

    headie2infinity
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Don't worry about it. There will come a time when you are ready to do it!
     
    #19 headie2infinity, Mar 29, 2015
  20. penta

    penta
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Big virtual hug (*hug*)
    Sometimes it's nice being called "girl"
    Don't let your anxiety take over, you know she won't hate you..
    The world is cruel sometimes but not everyone is the same.
    Please don't hide, i don't know you really good but i think you're a great girl and i know what hiding does to a person..
     
    #20 penta, Mar 29, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 1 of 3