1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I Feel Like My Mom Is Forcing Me Back In The Closet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Broods, Mar 29, 2015.

  1. Broods

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2015
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello EC Lovelies :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:

    To give you some backstory, I came out to my Mom back in January. She is the first member of my family I told (and currently the only family member I’ve told). It was incredibly emotional for me and actually happened after we saw the Imitation Game together. That movie was quite emotional and upsetting to begin with, so add into the mix a lot of repressed feelings about my sexuality, and a general fear of not being accepted by my own Mother, and you get quite the emotionally-charged coming out… Needless to say I wanted to tell her because we’ve always been fairly close, and it felt like the time was right. My parents are divorced and although it was pretty amicable I’ve always gotten along much better with my Mom.

    So I got up the courage and I told her. She seemed supportive but also a little confused. The first thing she said to me was actually “are you sure?” Yes Mom, yes I am sure. Anyway after coming out I had a mixed bag of feelings. I felt pretty relieved that I had come out to her, and could live my life honestly around her, but I was also a little afraid. The vibe I got from her was that she wanted to be supportive but maybe wasn’t quite there yet. I actually felt like I spent most of the time after telling her comforting her and telling her it was going to be okay, instead of the other way around. This was especially highlighted by the fact that I came out in January and nothing remotely on that topic has been mentioned ever since. It is almost as if it didn’t happen.

    Fast-forward to yesterday when my Mom came to visit my brother and I (my brother still doesn’t know). While we were spending time together my Mom made a lot of comments as if I were straight. For example saying things like “isn’t that guy hot? Don’t you think he’s attractive?” or saying to my brother “your sister and I LOVE men in suits!” I honestly just don’t understand because she knows I’m gay and she also knows how emotional it was for me to come out to her.

    At this point I guess I’m just not sure what to do. I understand that everyone needs their own time to come around to the idea – some people are supportive instantly and others need to process things – but I feel as though she has put me back in the closet I worked so hard to get out of. What should I do? Can any of you relate?
     
  2. AfraidandAlone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2015
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    i cant really relate but if she knows that you havent told your brother maybe she just doesnt want to out you and is very unsure about what to say or do? im not saying what she is did is right at all if you can try to talk to her about it privately?
     
  3. headie2infinity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    What AfraidandAlone said is quite possibly true. I would definitely confront her about the things she said and explain to her why they were offense to you. She needs to know that is crossing the line, and that might clarify the real point as well.
     
  4. Broods

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2015
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you for your replies :slight_smile:

    Yeah I will probably have to talk to her about it. I just hope she understands it isn't a phase or something I'm unsure about you know?

    In general it's been sort of weird coming out how a lot of time seems to be spent making sure the person I come out to is okay even though it's something I'm going through. But I guess I understand it because it's brand new to them.