The last few months I've been accepting that I think I'm gay. I have no intention to come out to my family because my parents are currently paying for college and I know my dad will disown me if he found out. I'm living away so it's not like they are likely to find out either but I wanted to tell someone. Kinda lift the weight off me and be free, or whatever you're meant to feel. I came out to 1 of my best friends this morning and he told me not to label myself. I kinda don't know what I was expecting him to say but it wasn't that. He said some of our friends might have a problem with it so I shouldn't really say I liked guys in any way around them. I don't really know how I feel and, tbh, I'm not sure if I should just do what he said and not come out again...anytime soon. Pretty clueless right now
First let me say, that I'm really glad you posted on EC. This community is as supportive and understanding as they come, and all of us have either been through or are going through what you've described. So know that you are never alone. Secondly, it was so brave of you to come out to one of your best friends. Regardless of what they said, it is a huge step and coming out is quite freeing. I am truly sorry that they did not react as you had hoped. Don't let one person discourage you along this journey. Sometimes it takes longer for people in your life to understand what you're going through. I might suggest if you're open to it, continuing the conversation with your friend. Let them know that it isn't a "label" and that this is who you are, even if you aren't sure of it yet. Try not to let the opinions of one person dictate how you believe everyone in your life will react. Believe me, people will surprise you. Thirdly, since you are attending college I would highly recommend seeking out an LGBT group/Gay Straight Alliance or similar group on campus. They can be really helpful with providing resources and support to you while you are away from home.
Thanks for your reply I appreciate it. I wish I felt more free after telling him haha. I feel like I shouldn't have said anything. I have considered joining the LGBT group at college but it seems really clique-ish and I am having enough trouble accepting this myself, I'm not quite ready for everyone to know. Idk maybe I'm being stupid, just seems like the LGBT group all know each other and hang out together. Telling my friends was gonna be the start but I might put that on hold after todays disaster.
It is hard to tell whether your friend really has a problem with it, or is just concerned that your other friends will have a problem with it. Why don't you give him some time for it to sink in, and then try to talk to him about it, to see what his own reaction really is after the initial surprise wears off. At least he didn't go postal on you, but he might have some fear about what the rest of your circle of friends might think about HIM if you come out to them. If you do decide to come out to them and they are cool with it, he might realize that he was imagining things that weren't going to happen. This wasn't really a disaster, just not a strong positive like it could have been.
