I talked to a psychiatrist about my sexuality today and it was the first time I came out to anyone. When I talked about it out loud to another person I realized how much shame I have. He told me that I should contact the LGBT organization in my area which made me feel pure disgust. My inner reaction was basically: "are you serious? I'm not like THEM and that's not a place where I belong. I'm "normal" and don't fit in with this disgusting group". This is a product of self-hatred and shame and obviously not meant to be offensive to anyone here, so I hope you don't take it that way. The reason why I talked to psychiatrist in the first place was because I have issues with depression and BDD and more recently I've realized that my BDD (which I've had since I was 12-13, btw. I'm 19 now) probably stems from a strong sense of being different. That also makes sense because for as long as I can remember I have felt fundamentally wrong and different from others and I've never known, and still don't, entirely know why. I'm thinking that my sexuality might have a great deal to do with my issues because the shame I feel regarding my sexuality is very similar (if not the same) to the shame I feel when it comes to my BDD. My problem is that I'm not sure if I should come out to someone and talk about this. It seems almost obvious that I should, doesn't it? But I'm scared of coming out and regretting it afterwards and feeling even more ashamed. I also see a psychologist about once a week.
I can completely understand. My oldest sister has a severe case of BDD. Unfortunately she wasn't able to get the help that she needed at a young age and still struggles with it today. I believe that BDD is very internalized like you have expressed. It has a lot of shame and guilt behind it. I think that you should continue to speak to you psychiatrist or maybe see if she/he can refer you to another one that might be able to help you in this case. I think the more you continue to talk about it the better you will feel and be able to work through some of the problems you are having. ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2015 at 04:08 PM ---------- Also, you don't have to come out if you don't want to and I would wait until you feel you are truly ready.
Hi, thanks for your reply. But if my sexuality is a big factor in this don't you think I should at least come out to my psychologist?
Yes absolutely, I think you need to be honest with your psychologist with everything you feel just as you should be honest with yourself! They might be able to help you so much more just by talking about this.
I think you should try to talk to your psychologist, Ellyy. Do you know if they are LGBT friendly? Therapy should be a safe space where you can share any of these thoughts or feelings. No one else will know but your therapist. It took me a long time to come out to my therapist, but it was worth it. You can't move forward or improve anything if you never take any steps to do so, you know?
I think my current psychologist is LGBT friendly. Thank you both, I think I will come out to my psychologist soon.
