I came out to mom, but she doesn't really support me. :(

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I think you need to keep your chin up. There will be a time that you won't be under her roof and can do whatever makes you feel the most happy. I think you need to be upfront with her without getting to emotional or angry. If the topic comes up you could tell her. I understand, that you don't understand who I really am but I am happy this way. Then ask her don't you want me to be happy and be true to who I am? If her response to this is negative you could go on to say that you are sorry that she is struggling with this but you want to live a authentic life and this is who you are and you want her to be proud of you. I would recommend seeing a therapist but to cope with your mothers struggles to your coming out to her. Maybe try to talk specifically about this to your therapist and make it clear about who you are and who you want to be as a person. I hope things get better. You could also tell your mother, if she brings up empty closets, that no one is allowed to contact you outside of the website and that it is all anonymous.

 

A therapist could still be a good idea, but not because you need to be 'fixed'. You could have extra help with talking about your gender and issues with your Mom. The problem is though is that since you're 13, It's possible your Mom wouldn't pick a good LGBT friendly therapist.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. She sounds WAY too over-protective and I fear for you.

 

Honestly therapy would help, the problem is you are not of a legal age in which you can pick a therapist. Your mother can pick whatever therapist and they can be transphobic which is a shame. I personally have had good experience with therapy. I am a survivor of sexual abuse from 2 or 3 relationships. However, they will help you how to deal with your problems, you have to implement what they say to do. Coping with your gender identity at your age is a huge problem due to a lot of factors. Puberty, middle school, age, and social status. I came out of the closet at 14 in school but 15 to my parents. It was a mistake to do it so young especially in a very homophobic school but this leads into my next piece of advice, do not come out of the closet in middle school. Also, depending on which state you are in, therapists legally cannot try to do gay conversion therapy.

 

First of all, what you did was very brave. Coming out at 13 is not an easy thing, and honestly, you have way more guts than I did at your age. I'm sorry that you got the reaction that you did, but sometimes this does happen.

I think that this really has come as a big shock to your mother. While gay issues have been getting a lot more spotlight in recent times, I think the transgender topic has gotten far less. Most people don't understand it, if they have even heard of it. You have to understand that for people who have never even been exposed to the idea that gender isn't just what is in a person's pants, it can be hard to understand, and for many people, understanding is the first step to empathy.

However, I'm not saying that your mother's reaction is okay. I'm just explaining a little of why she may be behaving why she is, and I think sometimes that understanding that helps a little bit.

The cat is out of the bag now, and she's a little bit more desensitized to the issue than she was before. She is going to take time to be even able to wrap her mind around the idea that the person she thought was her little girl, is actually her son. Just remember, you had a lot of time to know about yourself and come to terms with you identity. She has comparatively had very little. However, she does need to come around and realize that just because what she thought she knew about your identity is not what it truly is, doesn't mean that you still aren't her kid, and she should love you all the same.

I think that the therapist, if they are LGBT friendly, could actually be beneficial to you in this situation. Having an adult who you can talk to about this is very helpful. As great as friends can be, the objective insight of an adult is a very great thing to have, and they can help advocate for your feelings on your behalf. If the therapist is not LGBT friendly, I'm not sure I have much advice for that. I don't have experience with that sort of thing. However, I will say that the therapist you see is not the only adult you can talk to. Reach out to school counselors or teachers who you know you can talk to and be honest with, and receive help from.

Personally, I dealt with depression while I was in the closet. I hadn't come out yet, but I needed to talk to someone about all of it. The first person I picked was my chemistry teacher who used to be the GSA sponsor, and she was my "anchor." Whenever I was having a bad day, I went to her, she sat me down, and let me vent. Sometimes there wasn't really any advice, but being able to let out my feelings was a good thing. Eventually I started seeing my counselor as well, which was also helpful.

Putting this up on EC was your first step at helping yourself. Don't let your own thoughts eat at you. Bad thoughts and emotions have less power over you if you share them with someone who is going to be empathetic and is trustworthy. Even if you can't fix the situation, someone to help you feel better about what it is you're going through is an important tool.

 

I'm so sorry your going through this