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I'm Bigender and want to come out to people but I don't know how

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LionHearted, Mar 31, 2015.

  1. LionHearted

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    Hey! I've discovered that I'm Bigender. I've pushed it down the majority of my life, but a few months ago I've begun to accept it. The only one who knows is my girlfriend. I want to come out to people, but I don't really know how to explain it or how to even go about it. I'm terrified of what might happen if I start telling people. Any ideas?
     
  2. Beware the Ides

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    I'm currently in the process of trying to come out as bigender to the people I spend a lot of time with, so I'm not sure I have any real answers, but I can give you the thoughts I've had. What I've encountered the most is people asking me what my gender identity means to them - they want to know if I expect them to treat them any differently, if I want them to use different pronouns. Mostly, I think they want to know if their lives are going to get any harder or more complicated because I've "suddenly" realized something new and scary.

    For me, the answers are fairly simple - I generally feel both male and female to varying degrees, so I know going in that I don't care what pronoun is used, and I'm comfortable just correcting people at the time if I want them to change what they're doing - so I told them that. If your wants and needs are different than mine, you might find it helpful to think about how, and what you'd like to see happen as a result of telling your friends or family.

    As for the actual 'how', I've had pretty good luck just saying "you're really important to me, so it's important for me that you know who I am."

    Good luck!
     
  3. LionHearted

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    Thank you so much :slight_smile: this really helps. For me, when it comes to certain pronouns, it depends on the day. So far I've noticed, I'll feel like a male for one or more days, then a female on other days. A couple of times it's switched in the middle of the day. I use my birth name when I'm female and then a different name for when I'm male. Sometimes, it doesn't bother me when I'm misgendered. Other times, it really upsets me when I am.
    I'm just afraid of how people are going to react when I tell them. I don't really pass for a male at all. I don't really know how. And I think me not passing won't help them understanding it.
     
  4. Deadsouls

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    I was bigender at one point in my life, however I was in the closet. It felt like coming out of the closet all over again. I had to deal with coming out to my parents who didn't accept my homosexuality at first, it took 3 years and a terrible date with a girl (who I am still friends with). All I can say is figure out how homophobic everyone around you is first, then see if they are transphobic. What is currently taking place is the movement for gay rights, this does not explicitly apply to everyone underneath the "Genderqueer" movement. I believe that the next civil rights movement will be for transgender rights and equality for all.
     
  5. LionHearted

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    Great news!!!! I came out to my best friend as bigender this past Monday! :grin: she said she loves me no matter what. Then we talked about it and it was perfect :slight_smile: it feels so good to tell people. I just can't wait for the day when "coming out" isn't a scary thing. Or even a thing at all. That people are people and we're all on this planet trying to find ourselves and be happy.