I'm 21. I've been seeing a therapist for a while(for depression and social anxiety which i have a major problem with), who i now know is gay. I mentioned that I've found guys attractive and for the past year my sexuality has been up for discussion. I'm at the point where he thinks i should come out and urges me to do so, he says it will make me feel better. But I'm not sure I'm actually gay(or do i just not want to be gay). I say I'm gay whenever i see him, but i don't internally agree with myself whenever i say it. I see beauty in all types of people, but for a while my sexual desire has felt so out of whack. i haven't been turned on in months by anything. Anyway i came out as bi to my friend tonight. He's someone who i know not too-but somewhat well... i felt relatively ok with telling him. It went well, he was really accepting, but i thought he was gay and he's not. that was my motivation for telling him... well besides my therapists advice. Instantly i was left feeling heavier rather than lighter and i regretted coming out. the whole time we were together, i was really anxious and constantly questioned why i came out. I was playing the part of the person who has their shit together but i probably came off as something completely different. i said it was great to tell someone, but it honestly didn't feel good. maybe i told the wrong person. i wanted to be alone so badly but i stayed with him for two more hours. we talked but i wasn't there. I'm usually not "there" in any social situation these days. Thats what scares me, losing myself. No matter how well i know the person(s) i can't get out of my own head. its gotten to be quite a problem that leaves me in my house, scared to interact with the world most times. I question if my being uncomfortable has to do with my sexual uncertainty or if it is something undiscovered, deeper than my sexuality. Or is the big picture that i need to man up and come to terms with and accept myself? I just want to feel like my own, confident, self-respected, happy person again. thanks for reading this long ass thread. I'm not sure what my message is, but i felt the need to type something out.
Hey It sounds to me as though your therapist maybe "forced" you into coming out? I mean, are you comfortable identifying as bisexual or gay? It's a long process for some, but finding someone attractive doesn't mean much. How do you imagine yourself in the future (with a man or a woman)? Have you considered seeing another therapist? Sorry, I'm just asking questions...
Hello! In a sense i was a bit forced, but it was ultimately my decision. I haven't fully figured myself out yet so I'm not sure if i am comfortable with identifying as either yet(especially after coming out to someone). maybe i should change therapists... or just stop therapy(I've been seeing some sort of therapist for years now, maybe i need a break). I honestly just feel lost and a bit insane. In the future? i could see myself with either. I've only ever had one significant other and that was a girlfriend in high school. I'm not really good at getting close to people anymore so its hard for me to tell who i prefer. I've been making too big a deal out of the whole thing which just makes it more difficult to interact with others, be they guys or girls(its actually harder for me to start conversations with girls, i feel like I'm being judged more when i talk to them rather than guys... yes I'm the one doing the judging but its just a feeling). I do want to see what its like being with a guy though, just to know if its right for me. for me, its hard to open up and stay open. No need to apologize, your questions are helping me think
