The first time I thought about a woman sexually I was 21. Thats kind of weird right? When I was in high school I only had crushes on boys. I don't even remember noticing girls or checking them out when I was a teenager and I've only been in committed relatioships with men, but I am so attracted to women. I have been physical with women, but I want more. There is one woman in particular, I met her a couple of months ago in a class, and we became friends. She is a completely out of the closet lesbian. I am not out to anyone, so she thinks I am straight. I want to try to have a relationship with her, but I do not even know how to tell her. I don't want her to think I am using her just to experiment or something; I really care about her. She is such an amazing person. What should I do?
I must open with the disclaimer that I have no real experience in this area, so please take my words with a grain of salt: Since you're friends I suppose it wouldn't be all that difficult to spent time with her doing things you both enjoy. That's both a way for you to get to know each other more and also to have more opportunity for conversation. While you talk, maybe drop hints that you're not as straight as you might appear? If she's interested in you as well, I would think she'd pick them up, and maybe respond? If she's not interested and doesn't respond, you'll have at least worked on your friendship. I don't think that's threatening, is it? It sounds like even if things don't quite work out in a romantic sense, she would be the best person for you to maybe even come out to and get support from, since you are already friends, and she probably has good advice for you. (*hug*)
I agree with Ruthel. Drop hints and hints, and hopefully she's better at picking up on them than the average straight person. If shes doesn't pick up on them, or she doesn't say anything about it then you should bring it up. It's sooo much easier to come out to someone that isn't straight. The only people I've talked to (in person) about me liking girls are both gay. It definitely takes the pressure of because chances are you won't get judged for being gay by someone that is gay.
Thanks for the advice. I'm so nervous, but i will definately try to drop some hints and see where it goes. Part of me is afraid if I say something and she doesn't feel the same way I will lose her as a friend, but as I thought about it I realized she is just way to decent of a person to hold something like that against me.
I was thinking about this, and I'm not afraid she will judge me for being gay. I'm afraid she will judge me for being in the closet. She is so open and honest about who and what she is, and I really admire that. I feel like such a coward. I see people coming out to the world as young teens and I haven't even told the people closest to me.
Hi! Okay. Everybody comes out at different times,in different ways. While it's great she is out and honest,she had to come out sometime,right. So,she has been where you are. Hopefully,she will remember that and understand. I see you're from Conn. You all have gay marriages now.(YAY!) You could always bring that up as a way of starting a "gay" conversation! Ask her to go out for coffee,lunch,whatever. Then you'll be able to talk at length. Good luck. Let us know how it went. Mickey*
Everyone comes out at different times. As you say, you couldn't have come out as a teen because you didn't have those feelings! There's no shame in still being in the closet. If she judges you for that then she's not the kind of girlfriend you'd want anyway, huh? (*hug*)
So the girl I was talking about just got back together with her ex. I'm so disappointed, but I'm also relieved. I know it is cowardly of me, but now I don't have to face it. I don't have to come out to her, and I don't have to tell her how I feel.
>>>The first time I thought about a woman sexually I was 21. Thats kind of weird right? I didn't realize I was gay until I was 19 or 20. So yeah, some of us are just a bit slow on the uptake. As far as the rest of it goes, you'll want to start thinking about how best to start coming out. Because you're not going to get yourself a girlfriend if nobody knows you're on the market. So maybe you can chat about this with your best friend, and talk about the best way to get started on it. Lex
