so here's the deal...I'm 99.9% sure I'm gay but there's still a part of me that sais i'm only going to know for 100% sure if i get involved with someone. So how do you get to know gay people?? I don't no anyone and I can't just go to a club/bar on my own! I was thinking maybe gay groups but I'm so shy, it's like I'm going to talk in there and everybody will know i'm gay :icon_redf I guess i'm a bit embarassed or nervous..I'm not sure?? Any advice? I also feel silly not being able to come out in such an open city with plenty of oppurtunities :icon_sad:
You could take the less direct approach of coming out, but instead of saying, I am, say I think I am. One little word can be such a wonderful disclaimer, and gives you that alternate escape route if you really want it...
*rolls eyes* Oh please... if someone is 99.9% sure? It's like people who are gay who say they're bisexual because it's "safer." That has the effect of giving actual bisexuals a bad rap and making you look stupid and non-comittal. If the original poster is 99.9% sure, she needs to trust her instincts despite having spent a lifetime being brainwashed that being gay is a phase or a transitory state or something that needs hard physical evidence to be "proven." As if straight people ever say, "Gee well I won't know I'm REALLY straight until I have sex with someone of the opposite gender!" And yeah, you could just go to a bar/club on your own. It would probably be terrifying but it could be done. And has been done. And is probably being done right now. I know a guy where the first "gay" thing he did was volunteer to help at the university gay group's huge gay Valentine's dance... even though he knew NO ONE. Yes, he did consume a lot of alcohol beforehand but the fact of the matter is he made it through and made some friends and got past that "first time." Feeling nervous and embarrassed is natural... but it's not like there's a way to make that initial trepidation go away. Eventually you're going to have to have your first "experience" being in a situation where people presume you're gay. What you might be forgetting is that if you go to some kind of gay group, no one is going to judge you for being gay. They might judge you for a bunch of other things but it would be pretty unbelievable if they hassled you for being non-straight! So really, isn't it a lot better to be in a gay-positive/friendly/affirming environment when you first reveal you think you like other girls? I know that I made sure the first person I ever breathed a word about being gay to was gay too. It's only natural and sensible... what gay person is going to give you a hard time about being gay? (Okay don't answer that because I know there are some seriously fucked up people out there but in GENERAL, it's a very safe bet, right?) If you're shy, just go to a gay group and sit and listen. Most groups involving coming out are super-understanding of people who don't necessarily want to pour out their entire life stories during their initial foray. Most, in fact, are usually okay with people being as quiet or as ebullient as they desire. Just being around other gay people will likely make you feel 100% better--plus you'll hear some interesting stories that just might parallel some of the stuff you're going through yourself!
awesome i really liked your reply joeyconnick, thanks it sort of gave me an extra boost to get out there asap! Every day more and more I'm becoming more motivated to just come out and say it so i can't wait to get it over with and just enjoy! Xequar, i was thinking of doing that to lessen the impact on the people i come out to but I think when i do tell them i wanna be confident and proud about it!
Glad to be of service... it really is much better once the initial stuff is out of the way. I wasn't 100% sure when I started coming out but I just told everyone I was, pretty much exactly because I was in your 99.9% sure situation. It's insanely easier to deal with the "oh are you sure it's not just a phase" people if you just say "Yes I'm totally 120% pure queer... please excuse while I carry out my 'gay agenda' for the day!"
