Ok guys. I know to some of you have been in relationships longer than the one that just ended in my life and will think i'm probably being over dramatic. But I really need some support right now. We were together for just under two years. I have never loved anyone more passionately than I have loved this boy. He meant more to me than even my own life. And he told me the same. I believed him. And I know he'll still help me if I need it. About two weeks ago, he got really confused and thought it would be best if we ended our relationship. I accepted that and figured "If you love someone, let them go." He told me that he wouldn't want me back, so I did my best to numb the pain I felt from losing him. But in under a week, he came back, told me he'd made a huge mistake and wanted to be with me. I took him back in a heartbeat, but was concerned that his decision wouldn't last long. And I was right. Two nights ago, I stayed with him in his dorm. As we were laying there falling asleep, having the "pillow talk" that lovers do, I shared with him my concerns. I told him that I was afraid that he was staying with me out of convenience. He didn't understand what I meant. He told me he was still numb from the week before when we split the first time. He wasn't sure if he still loved me the same because he couldn't feel anything. That really upset me. I wanted to believe that he did love me. I wanted to be there as his girlfriend, not as a teddy bear that was there for a comfort to him at night. I didn't want to believe that I could be replaced by any girl that night. But last night we were talking. He told me he came back to me because it was convenient. He told me that he cared deeply for me and his family loves me. It had become routine to spend time with me and spending the night with me wasn't "uncommon." We ended it late last night. And he understands that if he changes his mind, I won't take him back. I don't want an on again off again relationship. It hurt me more than I could imagine. The pain I am feeling, I feel like a part of me has died. I can't numb myself again so soon. It wasn't until about three or four days ago that I became un-numb from the last time and was able to feel my love for him to the full extent. He told me that he wanted to stay with me, but when I brought up my fears, they became the truth. Guys...I'm not sure how to get past him. I love him with my entire heart and it has been broken again. Twice in the last two weeks. We're going to try to remain friends, but we both understand it will be quite awhile before we can. I just don't know how to numb myself again so soon. I don't want to feel this pain. Its killing me. He still has my heart. When he gave me my last hug today, I was so afraid to let go. I don't know how to live without him. It hurts so bad knowing that he's not in my life anymore. He was my best friend. And I hope we still can be in the future. But I know I can't take him back. And I know he probably won't come back to me. And I only hope that whoever he finds will love him as much as I do. God guys. This hurts so bad. I need some help on how to get past him and my emotions and move on.
aaawww I'm sorry babe (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) If he's just going to keep you at the end of a yo-yo, then it's for the best. It's not fair to you. I think you made the right choice. Getting your mind off of these things is hard. Do you have a few other close friends you can be around to help take your mind off of it? Any hobbies or interests? If he's going to treat you like that, then he doesn't deserve you. You're too good to him to receive such things in return.
The thing is, he didn't treat me bad. He's never done anything to hurt me and has always sacrificed his own needs for him. He didn't want to end it because he knew how much it would hurt me. It was me who had to decide it was over because he would have hung around to keep me happy. And that would have been really bad for him when there is obviously someone out there who will make him happier than me. I've got...nothing here. I'm at college for our freshman year. Its finals week and i only have two more exams. both at 8 in the morning. so i'm sitting around here with nothing to do until the end of the week. I was actually looking forward to so much free time because i was going to spend it with him. And now...I can't. I don't know hardly anyone here and my two best friends are at home 3 hours away. I've been spending my day eating ben & jerry's and looking at things on failblog.
(*hug) (*Hug*) I can't say I know how you feel as I've never been in love, but what you describe sounds so similar to what so many people say about losing their first love. And none of them ever died of a broken heart. You are 18. You have your whole life ahead of you. Yes, it's terrible now, but you will come through this, like everyone has to, and one day you will think back and smile at the beautiful times you had together. (*hug*) (*hug*) Chin up (*hug*)
Hey sweetheart. You need to know that you did the right thing. The realationship wouldn't have been fair to either of you if it had continued. You've lost you first love. It dosen't mean you've lost him as a friend. It will take a lot of time and work, but a friendship is still achievable. You're being really mature about this. You understand that what you had was special, but now you know that it couldn't last forever. Time marches on. Try to call your friends and have a talk with them. If you feel like you can't deal with anything right now, try to get your mind off it. Watch a favorite funny movie. Play a game. We're all here for you now, you should know that. <333
It sounds like you've done the right thing - and that both you and your ex are mature, responsible, and caring people. Those qualities are rare, and it's great that you've split on reasonably good terms. You are SUPPOSED to be in pain. You're grieving. And grieving is a process that takes time, and takes you through various stages. Be willing to feel those feelings. Denying them or avoiding them will likely only prolong the pain - because you have to feel it to get past it. At the same time, Ben and Jerry's sounds like a good remedy. And you've got EC. It does get better - I promise.
I have two sisters (a twin and an older one) and they have both been through this. My older sister has done this more than 3 times, and once did do the whole yo-yo thing. I saw it tore her apart but she is still fixated on him (grrrrrrrr he is also anti-gay, the bastard) anyways there will be lots of crying and you should find a friend who wouldn't mind having a deep and meaningful convo with you, it really helps to talk it through. Have you tried Krispy Kreme as a remedy???! I like to watch lots of comedy to get through rough patches, dancing in my room to truly awesome songs. Really anything that makes you happy. Good luck I'm here if you need to talk to me xoxoxo Tom
>>>Have you tried Krispy Kreme as a remedy???! QFFT. Original glazed alternating with the vanilla creme ones, preferably with a funny movie and at least one good friend. Lex
