Hey! This is my first ever EC post so sorry if I don't understand things well, but I'm 16 years old and the past couple of months I've been thinking I should tell my mother I'm gay. I've known I was gay since I was 12, I am absolutely sure of my sexuality and I have been for a while. I've never had a boyfriend, only girlfriends and I felt no connection or love in them. It was difficult to date them but I only did it to hide my sexuality. I haven't dated anyone in a year, and everyone is confused about it. Everyone keeps asking me about girls and I don't know what to say. My dad watches tv all the time and each time a hot actress comes up and says "she's so hot, what do you think of her son" and I don't know what to say and I have to fake it and now my dad believes I'm straight. My dad has a gay brother but he seems uncomfortable around him, but there close but im scared he won't accept me. I've heard a few homophobic comments from him and I'm scared of his reaction. My mother on the other hand has suspicions, I think this because when I was talking to someone on Facebook and I smiled, my mother asked who I was talking to and she said "are you talking to a boy or girl" and I was only talking to a friend. When a hot male actor is on tv my mum looks at me and says "he's so hot? What do you think" and I pretend not to notice. She does this with girls too. My brother and sisters all probably suspect, I can imagine them just waiting for the day I finally say it. I can just tell they know because each time I talk about girls now my brother is like "yep...sure buddy" and giggles to himself! Embarrassing haha I feel like I should tell them now. I fully accept myself and I want to be happy and I just want to be with someone I actually love. I'm just not too sure how to tell them. How did you come out, how did it feel. We're your family accepting, did they treat you different or were they humorous about it. My prediction is that my family will probably laugh when I tell them, just not too sure about my dad lol. Any advice guys or experience guys?, thanks!
As far as I can see, your mom seems pretty cool about it if you were to come out to her, since she's "baiting" you out of the closet. About your brothers and sisters, you should try to drop subtle hints here and there. If they seem pretty cool about it, I guess you could come out pretty easily to them. But since you did say "probably suspect", dropping subtle hints might be a nice first move on coming out to them, so you can gauge their reaction. Although, telling more people in the family would risk your dad knowing (if you're trying not to be out to him yet). I haven't come out to family as of now, but I would definitely do the subtle hints when I feel ready to come out. I'm not so sure about my family, since my country is plagued with religion and macho culture. So I'm doing it when I'm a little older, perhaps if I already have a stable job and no one can touch me if they try to bring me down. Good luck on coming out! (or whatever you plan to do now)
It seems like you have half your work done for you! From what I've seen so far siblings are pretty easy to come out to as being gay is much more 'acceptable' with young people now. I can't really give you any techniques as I'm going through the process, so i can't personally say what works and what doesn't.
Good luck Rhys! It sounds like your family will be fine! Have you thought about coming out to your uncle first? Would that help? You sound very well rounded and sure of yourself. I also new Iwas gay when I was 12 (a hundred years ago :lol: and came out to my parents when I was 20. Don't you wait though! Get out there and enjoy your life as a confident gay young man.
I was young, 13, so over the course of a few months, I would periodically ask her a question to feel her out a bit: "do you think people are born gay?" "do you have any gay friends?" "do you think people choose to be gay?" By the time I finally got up the courage to tell her that I was gay, I knew her feelings about the topic. When I came out to her, she laughed and said she wondered how long it was going to take to tell her - she had already suspected - way before I even started peppering her with the questions! After telling mom, I felt like I had an ally, and telling dad was a piece of cake. My mom was there with me and I felt safe. My dad was a bit more resistant to the idea, but has finally come around to being at least tolerant. We certainly do not talk about my crushes, like I can with my mom, but we have a mutual respect for each other's feeling about my sexuality. Don't beat yourself up too much. When the time is right, you will know. Best of luck to you!
I think you'll be okay when it comes to coming out. Your family, or at least your mom and siblings, probably have gotten the hints that you're gay. And if your mom knows, I wouldn't be surprised if your dad does too. He may be a bit uncomfortable, but I think that he will be fine. As someone else pointed out earlier, if you do come out to your family, there is a possibility that it'll slip to your dad. My dad accidentally outed me to my brother before I was ready to tell him. It's a miracle that he didn't spill the beans to my mom. My mom was pretty uncomfortable with it for a while, but she has gotten over it for the most part. I still can't talk crushes or anything with her, but the tension that used to be there has just faded over the years. It's fine now. Meanwhile my dad is totally good with it. I think sometimes the same-sex parent can feel a bit more awkward about it when they learn that their child is gay. I mean the opposite-sex parent it's a matter of "oh neat, high five, we've got something in common," while the same-sex one doesn't quite get it. I mean obviously this isn't the catch-all rule to the dynamics of parents and gay kids, but it's what I have observed.
