So, how do you necessarily define coming out? I mean; acknowledging, accepting, expressing yourself as gay/bi/trans/queer/etc. are all different things, or stages. I both know and freely admit - if someone asks - that I'm gay, but I don't feel like I express my 'gayness' much by how I act or appear. I also feel - due to my ability to fly under the radar - that I have to 'come out' to every new person I meet. People rarely believe that I'm gay without reiteration. I often feel like I'm still buried half-way to Narnia. So I guess the question I'm pondering on is this: where/when/how do you define yourself or others as 'out of the closet'?
I think its different for each person. For me, it's the whole process (acknowledging, accepting, expressing yourself as) But its not about other people. The coming out process should be for you, on your terms. The point isn't people believing you, the point is that you are being honest with yourself and the people around you. Being gay has nothing to do with the way you appear or act in the broad sense of the term (like the stereotypical "butch" lesbian. Obviously dating the same sex qualifies as an act... you know what I mean). It's really just about your preference, and it doesn't need to be validated by the way you appear or act.
I agree with Erzulie, but I'm sort of to the point where I meet people and automatically assume that they know...
I get where you're coming from. I actually had an old acquaintance accuse me of lying about being gay when I told her. I just really don't have that stereotypical look that people associate with lesbians. So, basically, I end up having to come out to people all of the time when it's relevant. Honestly, I view coming out as being a two-part process. I think there is the personal coming out, and then the exterior coming out process. The first is accepting yourself and not being ashamed of who you are and saying who you are. Then the second is the act of actually telling people and "coming out." I think that if you are out in the first sense, then you aren't really closeted. Meanwhile, the second part never really ends, because there is always somebody who doesn't know you're gay, and it comes up, so you tell them.
