Last year, I started hooking up with my best friend. She was the first girl I had ever been involved with, and it was amazing and scary and just turned my world around a little. I very quickly realized I loved her in a non-friendship way and that I was a lesbian. Long story short we told a few of our close friends about our relationship (which didn't work out and I'm not bitter hahaha). Anyway, fast forward to now, I'm a second semester freshman away from home at University. Every time I come home for breaks, I find out about another person in my hometown knowing about my relationship with my friend. A friend of mine goes to school in my town, and it's pretty safe to assume she's the one telling people. The problem is, the people she's telling go to my old high school, which my two younger siblings attend now. I am not out in my town ESPECIALLY because I don't want to tell my family yet. Part of that is because my parents are kind of judgmental/religious, and part is that I'm still new to the LGBT community and I'm not totally accepting of myself yet. I know that I'll get there and I do plan on eventually coming out, but I'm just not ready. I'm afraid my siblings (and subsequently my parents) are going to find out soon, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Has this happened to any of you and/or do you have any advice?
My dad accidentally outed me to my brother before I was ready to tell him. The dude was a homophobe, so I was purposely waiting to tell him, but then I found out he knew because he started being a total jerk to me. Basically, in that situation, it was damage control. The last thing I wanted was for him to tell my mom before I could, so I ended up coming out a bit sooner than I would have liked to her. Honestly, if your siblings are good with the LGBT stuff, it may not be out of the question to tell them so they hear it from you instead of through a rumor. That way you can talk to them, and ask them to keep things quiet from your parents for a bit. I mean, that's my best idea for a solution based on what you've given.
Thanks Sedgeling. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that My brother is pretty mean guy, homophobic, and would tell my parents just to mess up my life, and my sister is really great but also religious. I'm afraid she might be just as homophobic as my parents. I really appreciate your advice. I realize my situation honestly has no fix all solution haha.
I understand that your situation is really difficult but no matter what happens, just know that we're here for you hun (*hug*)
Thanks It really means a lot to me. I'm still coming to terms with everything and it's hard to face that before I'm but it's nice to know I have a support system here.
Don't mention it If I could hug you through the interwebs and make everything better I would >.<(*hug*)
I was in a similar situation myself, me and a close friend that I worked with became more than a friend and it ended pretty messy, another friend at work found out and they told some colleagues what happened and ended up outing both of us.. No one spoke to me about it so I didn't address the issue and I ended up getting a different job because of the whole situation. I know how horrible it can feel, I was constantly worried all the time. I hope you figure it out. I'm always here to chat!
i'm probably not the best person to give advice since i still havent come out to my parents yet but if you feel you're about to be outed anyway, the best thing to do is tell them yourself. If you truely feel you're about to be outed tell them yourself even if they have a bad reaction it will probably be worse if they hear it from someone else. As i said i havent completely come out yet (i told a few people including my sister) but if i was in your position and i truely felt they'd found out from someone else i would force myself to do a preemptive strike, but do what you feel is right for you cuz as i said i havent come out totally and i wouldnt want someone to force me out if i wasnt ready
I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out, I wouldn't say she's specifically outing you as once you're slightly out people do begin to talk, so it seems their going to find out by rumour. In the worst case scenario how do you think they'll react? Most young people are open to everything LGBT, so what are your parents like on the issue? If you don't know it may be worth testing the water, say by talking absolute it gay marriage.
Yeah I see what you're saying. I mean she knows I don't want people to know and she's still telling people so it feels like I'm being outed regardless. My family acts like they're OK with gay marriage, but they are also the kind of people that have the "as long as it's not my child mentality." I wish they were more supportive about it in the home but they're just not. I'm mostly afraid to come out to them because I know they're going to ask a lot of questions and probably give the "just a phase" spiel, and I'm not ready to answer their questions. I'm just at the point where I can even acknowledge everything that happened to myself, let along to my family. I'm thinking maybe for now if my parents/siblings find out I'll tell them it's a rumor rather than the truth. After all, the relationship was with my best friend and it was high school, so it definitely sounds like it could be something people made up. I don't want to lie, but at the same time I'm just not ready to come out yet. Thank you everybody for all of the support, I really appreciate it. (&&&)
