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How to come out casually?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by s3l3nz, Apr 9, 2015.

  1. s3l3nz

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    I've come out to myself, but not to anyone else yet. I'm ready to come out, and I've been meaning to tell my mom for the past week, but I just can't get the words out. I've sat through a handful of car rides with her and I keep opening my mouth to say "I have something to tell you", but I stop myself every time. I think if I bring it up casually, like ask her about something remotely related to the topic of boys or relationships or whatever to start a conversation about the topic, then I might actually be able to do it, but I am really bad with words, and don't know what to say to lead into it. I don't normally talk about anything serious or anything involving feelings with my parents, so just jumping into it is kind of scary to me.

    Any suggestions or "scripts" on what to say to get the conversation rolling?
     
  2. blackhatguy

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    Usually I'm as subtle as a brick wall. The best I was able to manage was when I came out to a friend. We have a mutual friend who's bi, and I asked him how he felt about it. When he said it was cool, I said something like "good, cause I am too." It worked, but I think it was pretty obvious.

    The other day I was in the car with my dad, he said something about the road going any way but straight. I thought about saying "hey, that's kinda like my sexual orientation" but chickened out. Humor might help things a bit.
     
  3. Stripe101

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    "Mmmm ma this salad is really good. Also I'm gay. What dressing did you put on this?"
     
  4. blackhatguy

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    ^^That. Yes. Perfect.
     
  5. 11th doctor

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    ask her about her high school crushes or how she met your father or something along those lines then when she answer be like really, cool, I don't think im straight though I think I might be gay
     
  6. Im Hazel

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    You can drop hints. Things like commenting on people you find attractive, or if she asks if you have a boyfriend, say "I'm not really into girls." (That won't work if you are bi.) My mom asked me, because I came out as transgender, and my dad just guessed. I really don't have any other tips - I'm new to this too!
     
  7. SimpleMan

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    I am an outdoorsy person and was talking with our administrative director at my work about how I would love to do a long distance hike again. She said, "You should just get yourself a sugar momma to pay for all these trips you want to take. Then you wouldn't have to worry about waiting to save up money." I kind of laughed and nervously decided to take the plunge by responding, "Well, that wouldn't work out too well because I am gay." Without missing a beat she responded, "Well you should get yourself a sugar daddy then."

    I do like the "I'm gay. Could you please pass the salad dressing?" approach too.
     
  8. Cliffjumper126

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    I totally understand where you're coming from. I was SO scared when I told my mom just because I didn't know what I would do if she didn't accept it. But I kinda felt like she figured it out when she stopped asking me if there were any girls I was interested in. In my opinion, if you feel your mom is open minded about other things then just tell her when you're ready. In my experience, I kept waiting for a time when it would be easier to tell her but it never really came. If you're to the point where you keep almost saying something then I would say you are ready and want to tell her. if you truly want her to know then you just need to reach deep down inside of yourself and find the courage to just say it. Maybe start the conversation with something like "Mom, there's something really important I've been wanting to tell you for a long time. Something that's hard for me to say." And stop after that and see what her response is. Thats how I told my mom and her response was "I'll always love you and you can always tell me ANYTHING." I feel like it'll probably be something similar in your case, but then again I don't know your mom.

    And it's about you, not her. If she doesn't accept it at first she probably will eventually. Especially once it hits her that you wanted her to know and cared enough to tell her something so personal. and the fact that what she thinks isn't going to change a damn thing. :icon_bigg
     
  9. mnguy

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    Maybe send a text to her that you're a lesbian and you can talk about it later if she responds positively. I hope it goes well, best wishes!
     
  10. Phalange

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    You might want to me careful about telling her while she's driving. It could shock her, or make her very emotional (even if she's accepting), which makes the car a less ideal place to do it. If she's not accepting, then being stuck with her in a car might not be that fun either.

    By the way, I just called my mom after I had told my brother (so he wouldn't have to carry a secret around), made sure she was alone and not in public, and told her.

    Best of luck.
     
  11. tssoe02

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    I always think it's funny when people tell me "by," because I respond with, "how'd ya know?" Everybody thinks its a joke except for my girlfriend. I've only really told a handful of people.

    :wink:
     
  12. Van

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    Maybe tell her you want to go to this year's pride? Or ask her something LGBT-related, like "How do you feel about marriage equality?" or just comment on how beautiful an actress/singer is while watching TV with her... :slight_smile:
     
  13. Sammistar

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    I know exactly what you mean. I want to tell my parents, and I'm fairly sure they'll be supportive, but I just don't know how to bring it up. And I know I have to tell them both at the same time, otherwise the person who found out second will feel like I didn't trust them as much or something. But the idea of both of them is a little daunting. Also I've had boyfriends that I've brought home before so I'm worried they'll think it's just a phase, and not take me seriously.

    Best of luck though :slight_smile:
     
  14. Cliffjumper126

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    One of the things you could say to them when you DO tell them is that you felt like it's something they should know, that you waited until you were sure before you told them and that it's not going to change even if they might want it to. That might help them understand that it's not a phase
     
  15. s3l3nz

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    Thanks for all of your responses so far!! And Phalange, good point about not telling her in the car.

    Cliffjumper126, I also have a feeling that my mom might already suspect that I am gay, but I don't know for sure. In the past whenever I was upset, she would always ask if it was because of a boy and that I could always tell her anything. I just don't know if she was just saying that because that's what moms would say in that situation, or if she already knew that I was a lesbian and that was her way of trying to get me to tell her. It's hard to read...

    I also don't know for sure how my parents would react. They don't ever talk about LGBT stuff, so I don't know where they stand on it. But I just want to tell my mom. I feel like once I tell someone in my life, this might sound ridiculously corny, but I feel like I would be able to grow and become a better version of myself, just by being open and more comfortable with who I am; which is something I've always struggled with in all aspects of my life (even though I just recently had that "Oh, I'm gay! It all makes sense now" moment). How did you guys feel when you came out? I think I need to hear how great feels to get myself to just go for it. I think when I go for it, I'll call her and just say it off the bat, then see how it goes from there??
     
  16. UnderTheRainbow

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    Got my period. I'm gay. Do you have any pads ,I ran out.
    I am a teenage lesbian mutant turtle!
    I want to be a lesbian for Halloween. That won't work.I already am one.
    Shared a link about people sticking up for LGBTQA say 'I love it when people stick up for people like me'



    That is all I can think of for now.
     
  17. Cliffjumper126

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    You may very well be right about her trying to give you hints. I'm not sure how close you are to your mom, but if you're anywhere as close to her as I am with my mom, she'll be proud of you and touched that that you told her. Like I said, in the end it doesn't really matter where they stand on it, it's not like it would make a difference in how YOU feel.

    It's not corny, thats a completely rational train of thought. My mom was the first one I told, and it was a very freeing experience. Like a huge weight be lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't an immediate feeling, I may even have felt more stressed right after I told her. But several hours after and the days to follow, I just felt better about myself and in general. Being comfortable with myself is something I've always struggled with too, and I continue to struggle with it. But believe me, telling somebody is the first step in the right direction :slight_smile:

    I wouldn't advise just yelling it out of the blue though. If I were you I would either sit down with her and tell her (though it may be more difficult face to face, I had to do it over the phone just because I didn't have the guts to see her reaction) or call her up and ask if she has time to talk for a few minutes. Then start by saying there's something important you need to talk about, something that you need to tell her. Then tell her. Lead into however you want, but I wouldn't advise just blurting it out because she may not take you seriously unless you set the foundation first. Hope his helps :icon_bigg