Two days ago I made the decision to come out as gay to my parents, sister, and best friends. They're all completely fine with it and I'm comfortable with my sexuality but after coming out, I feel like now I'm just going to be lonely. I would consider myself pretty handsome and masculine and I've never had trouble talking to people. It's just that I'm scared that there aren't a lot of people like me. I know that there are many gay men out there but on YouTube, TV, movies, etc., you don't see that many masculine gay men... I'm scared that I won't find my place in the community and that I'll be an outsider. I'm 19, still young, and in college but once I'm out of college, I want to be a part of the gay community a lot more. Please tell me whether or not there are a lot of masculine gays out there and any advice you have for becoming a part of the gay community. Thank you. :icon_wink
First, congrats on coming out and it's great that it turned out so well for you. I have a question for you. Can you only get along with "masculine" men? Why is a supposed lack of "masculine" men a problem for you? I don't quite see why this would be a problem for you when trying to fit in. Anyone who discriminates based on how "feminine" you act or don't act isn't going to be worth your time, gay or straight, so you won't be losing anything. Right now for you I don't think it's a matter of fitting in, but maybe of reaching out and figuring who you want to reach out to. Do you want to join an LGBT group, or hit the club scene, or something else? That seems like a good place to start. There's no reason for you not to fit in. And yeah, there are masculine gay and bi men... After all, you are, aren't you?
Hi, and welcome. There are *lots* of really masculine gay guys out there... but you probably don't immediately see them because they are less likely to stand out than the less masculine ones. There are also lots (more likely, a majority) of people who don't fit into what many consider "the community" (people who frequent bars, clubs, and the like, or are in to the party scene) and are, instead, ordinary, hard-working people who are no different than their heterosexual counterparts. The key is to find people who you connect with. One way to do that is to look at Meetup groups for gay men. Depending on what you enjoy, and where you are, there are ones for hiking, game nights, pool parties, movie nights, potlucks, and just about every other hobby/activity you can think of. I can totally relate to how alone it feels right now. There are lots of people on EC who have been in the place you are right now. And you're in the perfect place to talk about it and share experiences with others who have been in similar places. So I hope you'll stick around
The bear community proves that there are definitely masculine guys out there. Those guys eat a ton. LOL.
You're not alone, I wouldn't consider myself a 'masculine' gay, but I'm not camp, and I'm not attracted to anyone or anything camp, I'm just a normal guy, who takes a shine to men rather than women. That is my point of view anyway, I'm completely happy to accept people who are camp, people who like wearing make-up and doing drag and anything else beyond or in between. But that's definitely NOT my cup of tea! You'll be fine, I came out to myself a few months ago, and it just takes some time to find out where you stand in this 'new world'! Have a nice day.
In my experience, and I've been out and about for over twenty years, most gay guys are just sort of regular guys most of the time. Sure there are a few who can't open their mouths without their pearls falling out (and in my experience they're a lot of fun) but most are just kind of... guys. They play basketball in the park and video games with their friends and maybe work out a bit obsessively and in most settings you might never even know they are gay, unless you got to know them. Now the one thing I will say is that most of them are secure enough in their masculinity that they can socialize with the flamers and maybe even flame a bit themselves when the situation calls for it without feeling threatened--if you aren't eventually comfortable with that, well, that could be an issue, but other than that being "masculine" isn't uncommon, nor should it be a problem. The one thing I will say is that feeling you aren't stereotypical doesn't even mean you have to avoid the more traditional gay venues--bars, clubs, etc. In my experience most people you find in those settings aren't all that stereotypical either--most of them are in fact "ordinary, hard working people" who occasionally go out for a drink, just like straight people. I remember several months back my partner and I were in a gay sports bar. So this group of guys come in. Both my partner and I have pretty good gaydar and we both kind of looked at each other and almost in unison said "which one of them is gay?" because none of them pinged and while you occasionally get mixed gay/straight groups and you might occasionally get a big group of straight girls you just don't get a big group of straight guys in a gay bar very often. They took a table next to us and we just sort of watched trying to figure out which one of them was gay. And so we saw the moment when they realized they were in a gay bar. It took almost a half an hour in a crowded gay bar and two rounds of drinks for them to realize. We were right, none of them were gay. But apparently they couldn't tell that we all were...:lol:
Yes, of course there are masculine gay men, a lot more of them than feminine ones. Masculine gay men are harder to find unless they out themselves because they like to do "guy things" with other men, and often have to be "straight acting" to do so, enjoy being around other men in sports activities, and typically blend right in with the straight guys. The difference is that they usually don't date women, might tend to be thought of more as "loners" or "singles", and often spend a long time figuring themselves out because they don't see themselves matching the media stereotypes for gay men. You will likely meet other masculine guys, want to ask them if they are gay or not, but be embarrassed to do so unless you are fully out yourself so that they can find you more easily and feel safe answering your question affirmatively. You will eventually find someone more easily if you take Chip's advice and go to the kind of places they hang out where they and you can be themselves safely, without any social pressure to appear straight.
Well I've got my license for circuit and rally racing, I also used to enjoy other things such as flight lessons and parachuting, I'm also a powerboat instructor. And I also like building engines Masculine enough?
Sexuality is not the same as gender or body type. Hey--since you're a rarity and you have what sounds like a good body to boot, you might attract MORE men. So that's awesome.
Putting labels on yourself and others will only keep you where you are at in life. It also shows you have contempt for others who aren't just like you. Isn't that what we fight AGAINST? If you want people to accept you as they person you are, then you need to accept others as the people they are. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a fall. Not to mention limiting yourself to one specific "label" of people. And that can only make you shallow, single minded, and narcissistic.
My husband has this concern too. He is 40 and feels that most gay men want a 20 something that is in shape and femme. He is interested in cars but not in sports and hasn't been able to find a meetup group.
