Hi, I've posted in this forum before, but not for a while... I work in a restaurant behind the bar, and last night one of my co-workers (we'll call him Bob) blurted out the question every closeted gay dreads, "So, are you gay?" :jawdrop: (He'd previously asked this question less-directly earlier that evening, and I managed to dodge it, but he did say he was bi-sexual, - I don't know if he was serious or not). I paused for a moment, and then he got called away to a table. A couple of the waiters came over, one was oblivious (we'll call him John) to what Bob had just asked, but the other (we'll call him Bill) had over heard, and said "Did he just ask you what I think he asked you?!" He wasn't impressed. But John (the oblivious one), looked up and said, "What?", my stomach churned more, Bill said, "He just asked Andrew," (me) "if he's gay! You can't just ask that and then disappear!" Then John turned to me, and asked, "Are you gay?", I paused, and my stomach churned again, then Bill cut in saying, "If he is, that's his business." (To be honest, my heart was warmed so much by how Bill, - a happily married man with two children, - was defending the LGBT community). Anyway, - cutting a out some dialogue, I looked at John and said "Yes, but my family don't know." He didn't believe me at first, asking if I was 'pulling his leg', but I stood my ground. And he took it really well, - I knew he would because he's a really nice person, - if not a little upfront. Haha. So now, two people know, - John and Bill (I think Bill knows anyway, he must have over heard). I posted this for two reasons; one, so I could vent about what had gone on, two, so that I could share a new problem and ask some advice... After I told someone, - the first friend I've ever told, - I felt pretty good, so good in fact, the fact that at last someone knew, and that they'd been supportive of it. But now someone, knows, - I came out to someone, and it wasn't the way I planned, and now my friends and co-workers are going to know before my family, that's my problem, - I know I can't fix it now, but that's why I'm feel apprehensive now, - what if my family find out?! I want them to find out when I tell them, in my own time! :help: Although, of all the people I could have told I couldn't have picked anyone better than John and Bill as I trust them a lot, - we all have a good relationship where I work and were like a little family. Uh, I feel so much better after writing all of this. (!) Thanks! (!) This post has become a wordy mess, so just let me know your thoughts and advice.
Well done Andrew!! It's normal to come out to friends before family, so I wouldn't worry. You might just like to ask your friends to be discreet for a while, and let them know when you have told your parents. Feels great doesn't it! Have a banana! (!)
Another Andrew in the UK? Awesome I'm guessing he was taking a shot in the dark asking if you're gay, but hey, it's had some unintended good consequences. As for friends knowing before family, I, like many others prefer it that way, the first 2 people I plan to tell I've only known in the last year. I've known them long enough to know I can trust them, but the friendship isn't old enough to make me feel anxious about telling them if you get what I mean. Also I feel your family is the last you tell, once you've come out a few times it'll get easier and you'll get better at it. Your family have known you your whole life and unless you 'act' gay already, chances are they won't have a clue and will likely be surprised, so getting some practice before I think helps
If someone at work whom you have only limited exposure to asks such a question, you must be throwing off sparks that are easy to identify on gaydar. Your family probably has a much better knowledge about you since they have known you all your life. If they aren't giving you any grief about it, or asking you the same question, they have probably already figured it out and are just waiting for you to have the confidence to tell them. That suggests it will go OK when you decide to do so. I think the parents nearly always "have a clue", even if they prefer to stay in denial.
