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I Need Advice Guys!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Laoi, Apr 11, 2015.

  1. Laoi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Dublin
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I always try to stay positive, but I kinda regret coming out!

    I came out two years ago when I was 16 to 1 person, who happened to be my twin brother. His first reaction was, "Why can't you be one of those gay men who marry women???". Yeah, I'm not even joking, his ignorance has been slowly separating us. Whenever we get into arguments, he calls me "Faggot" in front of everyone. It may not seem so much of a big deal, but it has greatly impacted me as he knows that I can't tell people why I get so upset and silent after these arguments, which to them, seem like no big deal.(I'm not saying this to get attention or sympathy, I am fine! :slight_smile:)but it made me fall into major bouts of depression.
    Many a time I looked at certain drugs, or leaned towards the edge of a window in a high building and just thought to myself, "If I take x amount of drugs, I will pass away peacefully or if I just 'fall' from this window and land on my head, it will be quick and painless". Thankfully, I'm not suicidal any more.
    However, the initial plan was to come out to my brother and then my family a month or so later, but he has been constantly breaking off bits of my confidence and left me extremely anxious as he uses my secret against me.
    So, I don't really regret coming out, it's more like I regret coming out to my brother instead of someone else. However, I live in a small town in Ireland where there aren't many out gay people, and homophobic slurs get passed around on the daily, so there wasn't really much of a choice. Also, I haven't come out to anyone else in the 2 years, I keep meaning to but I always chicken out!! :slight_smile:
    Was anyone else ever in a similar situation??

    ---------- Post added 11th Apr 2015 at 03:39 PM ----------

    By the way, I should add that this is the first time I ever tried looking for advice on the internet, so this is a major step for me haha :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #1 Laoi, Apr 11, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2015
  2. healthjunkie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Well first of all you should be proud of youself for having the courage to come out to your brother. Although he doesn't accept you, I think you shouldn't allow his ignorance or whatever he says shake your self confidence. To the contrary, you should look at your self as more knowledgeable and accepting than all these homophobics around you :slight_smile:

    Do you think your parents would be more accepting? If so, and if you think it would be safe to come out to them, it might help you align with yourself and get through this more easily.

    If not, then you should try to get to know other LGBTQ people around you or look for support groups in your area.
     
  3. ForNarnia

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It sucks that he's being like this, but don't let it grind you down :slight_smile:
    Coming out takes bravery, and being homophobic is a symptom of cowardice.
    Coming out to him took courage, and you are awesome for doing it.

    I'd suggest taking the time to test the water with people around you. Try to indirectly find out what they think of the LGBT+ community and try to work out how they'd react if they knew about you being part of it. Once you're totally sure that you are safe with someone, then coming out to them should be much easier.

    I agree with healthjunkie, too :slight_smile: It'd be useful to check out any LGBT+ groups etc in your area so you have people with similar experiences on your side.

    Hope this helps.