I have been casually, altho it is getting more serious with a guy who seems to be unsure of his sexual identity. We have a great time together and he has recently told me about experiences with someone from the same sex when he was younger, who he's still in touch with and had intimate times with, not so long ago but before we got together. I'm worried that I'm falling in love with him and that one day, he'll declare that he may be gay. He is attracted to women and loves sex etc but often fantasises about men and sex. I have no issue about this and his fantasy but I guess I'm just worried about our future and whether I may get my heart broken eventually. It would be good to hear your opinions about this and what course of action or not, I should take.
Welcome to EC! I guess I'm going to need a bit more info before I can give any suggestions or advice. How old are you two (roughly)? For how long were he and his friend intimate? Was it a very occasional thing (once a year) or more common (once a week)? How long has it been since they were intimate? Lex
Hello and thank you for the welcome. I am 39 and he is 31. He knew the guy in school when he was around 10 and were sort of intimate..he then ended up by accident, meeting him again and has, as far as I know, only had a couple of intimate times with him in the space of maybe a few years..he says that it's a few years sinvce he was last with him but I know they are still in touch. I don't know how often though. He has been rather guarded over time because of big trust issues but seems to open up a lot more with me as I feel he trusts me more and more.
Well, I'd say you might just ask him. "Do you plan on getting intimate with him again? If the opportunity arises for you two to get intimate, will you take it?" Lex
I have asked him this and he implied that he just likes anal sex, which is fair enough. He did imply that he would've liked a 3some with the guy and me but I, and his friend refused - I was shocked that he'd thought about this but understand and admire the openess but I know that in the long run, I'd start to feel hurt with this scenario. I don't want to go down that road as I fear it will bring up further trust issues in the long run but also his friend is gay and not bi.
He likes doing it to me but also enjoys having it done to him too. We've discussed this and the use of toys for me to use with him etc but it seems he prefers the real thing which I totally understand, cos I do too
Understood. I think you've given as much as you need to. You've offered to bottom for him and/or use toys for him. I think he can agree to stay monogamous for you. But the ultimate decision is going to be his. lex
Yeah, I guess it will be. I just don't want to get hurt because I enjoy him very much and I know he's been rather confused and I think I bring out his sensitive and loving side out of him. I'm glad that we can be open about it and I have stated that he has to be monogamous to me whilst we're together otherwise I said we'd split. He does have a history of cheating on people which he's declared to me and this worries me, although he's assured me he hasn't done this to me. :-(
