I am a 37 year old woman who, after a family tragedy decided to assume the role of the head of my family when my Dad died 6 years ago and then moved backed home to stay with my Mom and sister. I have always known and have always been curious about same sex relationships and last year I met someone who is already out but to her family only and we started out as friends and then one thing lead to the next and we got together. My sister (older than me) unaware of her being gay, welcomed her into our home and she even went away on a Christmas break with us. Our relationship has been a secret up until now. A few weeks ago, my girlfriend told her Mom after her Mom asked her a question about whether she would ever consider getting involved with me to which she openly told her mom that we were in a relationship. Her Mom was very happy and she told her sister too and then her sister was just as happy. We agreed then, that I not yet having been "out" is still a secret and that they need to keep it to themselves until I say something. Needless to say, my family was / is close and I ended up telling my Mom and my sister. It's been 2 weeks and with many tears and heartache, my sister eventually exploded and told me that she does not agree and also especially since I asked that we keep it in the family btw the 3 of us for now. Not the best request because I am now being blamed for living a lie. Also I am told that I broke my sister and my Mom's trust and even though I have told them that I am still the same person they have basically told me that I am an embarrassment to them and that they once looked up to me. Now I am being told to choose between my girlfriend and I. I am the breadwinner in the house, I do everything I possibly can for them, I told my partner that they are my no1 priority and have told them this and yet now suddenly I'm a fallen hero that is repulsive because I'm in a same sex relationship and she will never accept it. I have no idea where to turn, my very own support system is cutting me off, even though I am the breadwinner and go out of my way for them. Heartbroken that I cannot co-exist in their eyes. What do you guys suggest?
I'm very sorry to hear that your family has not accepted your sexuality. I know how that feels, a lot of my family doesn't accept my sexuality as well. We have to remember: Life is like an Olympic race. We have to jump hurdles in order to get to our goals... success and happiness. With that being said, there's nothing you can do to make other people accept who you are. We can do as many speeches we want, shed as many tears as we want... but some people will never change. As long as you accept yourself, nothing else matters. Is it nice to have accepting family members/friends? Yes. But it's not a necessity. Keep being you. Maybe one day they'll come around. If you still feel that you need support, you have hundreds of people on this website to help you. There's probably an LGBT group in your area as well, if you need to talk about it. Plus, you have your girlfriend. Who I think loves you very much.
You are the priority, remember MGB. Just make sure you are happy, before your family. Why should you spend so much time earning money for those people who dislike you? It seems really unfair on you. I can't think on a nice course of action - you could easily manipulate them with money, but that is a horrible thing to do.
Your family loves you, okay? Because you came out to them, it doesn't make them love you any less. Eventuslly they'll have to realize that you were the same person before and are the same person now, no matter who you love. They'll come around, I promise. Stay strong.
