i need advice, a second third and forth opinion, on my current situation. I am not out of the closet. I've never really considered myself to be gay but have been attracted to men and had sexual experiences with men. I have also been attracted to women, had relationships with them, and been in love. My current situation is this. I have developed my first crush on a guy. This makes me believe I am gay of course and have considered coming out just because of my crush. However I wonder if I'm only gay... for him - if that's even possible. The biggest problem is that the guy I have a crush on is also not out of the closet. I am not even positive that he is gay. But a huge part of me thinks that not only is he gay but his feelings for me are the same as mine for his. We are really good friends and hang out almost every day. He will be moving away soon and I don't want him to go without giving this a shot. My main concerns are how I can reveal my feelings for him and whether he is gay or not for sure. Any insight is much appreciated!(!)
I'll give you my opinion, but first, how old are you? My response will very much depend on your answer.
First, the last thing you should do is search for a label. If somebody else wants to call you gay, bi, whatever, that's their choice. It is up to you to live how you want to live, and to search for beauty wherever you find it. This must be a friend that you can confide in. If it is, then try coming out to him. Remove yourself and your friend from the crowd, and find somewhere to sit and talk. By the sound of it, he won't be the type of person to stop liking you as a friend if he finds out that you're gay (and I know you're not REALLY gay, but gay is a nice broad term, and you can explain to him what you really are if you so choose). If he's really into you, he may indicate that to you when you come out to him, or maybe shortly after. Otherwise, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Like Lepus said, don't feel like you need to label yourself so quickly. You might not even want to come out to this guy right away. If anything, I would test the waters. try bringing up Prop 8 and see his reaction. But like you said he is moving away soon, so give it a shot. Something great could happen because of it.
I had this the other day I just came out to somebody I thought was gay but did not tell me he is. So if you come out to him,and he is gay he will probaly come out to you.
I would just tell him what you told us - up front and blunt. I like you, I like you a lot - I'm not sure if I am gay but I definately like men.
Hi there and welcome to EC! As it has been mentioned above, try not to label yourself at this stage. It sounds like that you are still trying to figure one or two things out. Wondering if you have considered maybe talking with someone about it such as a counselor or members of the GLBT community. Maybe try joining a GLBT support group in your area (if you haven't done so already). I think it might help you if you could talk with someone about it. Listening to others and their experiences can help us to understand our own feelings/experiences better. Having developed a crush on a guy is certainly a big clue. That said, crushes often come and go. I would suggest that you might want to take it slow. You are not sure about his own sexual identity. Given that he is a good friend, and if you do trust him, maybe try coming out to him. Talk to him alone, invite him for a coffee. You could for example say that you are questioning your sexual identity. Once you have told him you will see what his reaction is and you will also learn in time as to what his feelings are. Even though there is a part of you that really would like to pursue a relationship, try not to rush things. If he does not come out to you, maybe hold off with telling him about your feelings for him. It's always best to assume that people are straight until they tell you otherwise in their own time. If you can, think about your own emotions/feelings as well. Try not to rush into things, because at the end there could be a huge disappointment waiting. Try to take the cues from him. Try to come out to him first, and take it from there. I hope this helps a bit.
