Advice? I want to tell my stepmum

I've known I was gay (biromantic) since I was 11, and a discussion me, my dad and my stepmum had at the dinner table yesterday really got me thinking

I said my school had a diverse range of students (black, Latino, gay, goth and emo, etc.) my dad then got talking "how can they know at 14? It's absurd"

I informed them of a bisexual friend who is suffering from depression due to her parents saying the kind of things they were. My dad said "you should stay away from them. They'll have the first person they find. You can't like both, it's one or the other"

He then went on to say "you don't need gay friends, there's a much bigger straight crowd. You're straight aren't you?" I had to say yes. He then said "don't you ever look at some girls at your school who say they're lesbian, and think 'what a waste'?"

My stepmum joined in on the comments to some extent, but she wasn't nearly as brutal as he was.

Enough is enough. I've known since I was 11, and I've put up with my father's homophobic, ignorant remarks for too long. And my stepmum is just so closed-minded about it all.

I've decided that I'm going to tell her, and soon. I want to make sure she knows that that topic of discussion at the dinner table, and the things they said, sparked it in me to tell her. I can't keep this silence anymore, it's killing me. And I have backups should anything drastic occur.

 

My backup is solid. I came out to my mother's side a couple of weeks ago, and they couldn't have been more accepting. After the talk at the table, I was left not knowing how to feel or what to do. I spoke to mum over FB and she reassured me that I always have a home with her if I need it.

But my mum and dad have a scarred history. She broke his heart and I went to live with my dad, and now I've got a stepmum. My mum loved me so much, but she was not a particularly good carer, and that makes dad extra protective of me (not uncaring in a cruel way, more in an unintentionally negligent way).

As cold as it will be, my stepmum needs to be made aware of how much emotional pain they've put me through (more him than her), it needs to be said. And if she has any respect for me at all, I'm sure she won't tell my dad. She's many things, but she's not a telltale.

 

It really is, and I can't take much more of it. My backups are as safe and assuring as they can get; my mum's house is only a bus ride away. It may take some time to settle down, considering it's practically a whole different existence to the life I've lived in my dad's house. That is, if we're anticipating a very negative response from my stepmum, which in my opinion is rather unlikely. She is the "don't ask, don't tell" kind of person.

A more short-term solution - my friend lives a few roads away, and they have a large guest room. That would be the perfect place to calm down, and gather my thoughts on the whole situation, but I would eventually go to my mother's.