I will be starting college in the fall, and I'm currently searching for a roommate. I am still in the closet with the exception of two friends. I don't want to be closeted and restricted in college, so I plan to at least attempt to live more openly. My question is at what point do I come out to my potential roommate? Is it something I should disclose it up front, or should I get to know this person and live with them for a little while before telling them? I don't want to scare off an otherwise great roommate, but I also don't want to risk kicking the proverbial can and staying in the closet even longer. Any suggestions/advice is appreciated!
Personally I think honesty is the best policy, especially if you want to start living your life out of the closet in college. If you're looking for a roommate it would be best to find someone who is supportive of the LGBT community up front. Otherwise you might risk moving in with someone who it turns out is not so okay with things, and that could make for a toxic living environment. I don't know if you have these in your area, but there are websites where I live that have roommate posts specifically for LGBT friendly roommates. That could be helpful, especially with meeting people within the community. Best of luck
I'm going through the same process, and I'm planning to be very upfront about my sexuality to my roommate. I honestly think that's the best way to go to make sure everyone is on the same page, and if one of us is uncomfortable they can go ahead and request a switch in roommates.
With luck, you'll get a gay roommate. I think that most colleges have housing forms that students fill out beforehand, so you can probably state that you want a gay friendly roommate, or something similar. Then, you can be okay knowing that the college will try to accommodate you. If not that, then hint to get a roommate that's friendly using words such as "open-minded" "nonconservative" If it's a college that randomly assigns roommates, then you may need to wait a few days. Get to know a general impression of the roommate first, then make your decision. If the situation goes sour, then you can always file a rehousing form, right?
Disclosing up front is the best thing for both of you. That way, you know where you stand with him and can switch roommates before classes get going, and friction starts, if it does. You want college to be a positive experience. To do that you need to feel comfortable with the people around you, and a roommate is around you night and day, clothed and in the bathroom, seeing and hanging out with your friends who come to your room. If he isn't comfortable with you, there will be problems that neither of you need to deal with while getting used to your new environment and trying to concentrate on your studies.
Yes to above posters. And even if you back out last minute on the roommate finding form that you're looking for LGBT friendly, then you can test trial the first few days and if it doesn't work out then ask for a new roommate. But this is more trouble then it's worth.
I think it'd be better if you disclose your sexuality and scare away some (not so) great roommates than getting a roommate who your close with and then suddenly feel awkward around when you tell him
