I have been talking to a guy online for quite a while now, we have so much in common and I was realy falling for him in every way and he said he was for me too. He lives 2 hours away from me so we were just talking on msn and over the phone but were planning a weekend together and to spend new years together too. We even talked about a future if things went well (like moving closer or in together) Then this past weekend I didnt hear from him all day friday or saturday and on sunday as soon as I signed onto msn he signed out, this was weird because we talked every night for like 6 hours straight. Then lastnight I get home from work and he says he has something to tell me and he drops it he says he has been seeing someone for the last 4 days (yeah 4 days after we had all these great conversations and plans) he says it is over with the guy and he wanted to be with me still if I would forgive him, and me beeing so silly and trusting I did. We talked again last night for a couple hours and said we would talk again today before I went to work but again as soon as i sign in and message him he signs out, and he just did it again when I got home. Now he has changed his online profile to single and looking. I am so hurt and sad but still angry and pissed to. Part of me wants to write him an email telling him how I feel then part of me wants to write him an email and rip him a new one and another part of me wants to just let it all go and never speak to him again. Thats it I am done it is so hard to say and accept but I know it is over he used me and played me for a fool and its over! The funny thing is I gave up on girls because of so many similar situations with them and realized I was gay now the same crap with guys maybe I am just that .001% of the population that is utterly undateable??!? :bang::tears::bang::tears::bang::tears::bang:
First off, the small picture. Drop this guy. He apparently doesn't mind keeping you around so long as there's nothing else on the horizon, but as soon as there is, you're persona non grata. Drop him from your friends list, block his e-mail, block his phone number. Don't bother with a "goodbye" or a long e-mail. Which do you think gets the point across better - saying "I'm moving on", or moving on? Next, the big picture. I hope you "give up on girls" simply because you were hoping to avoid some drama in your life. Because there's a reason the term "drama queen" exists, and applies solely to gay men. No, not all gay men attract drama - not even most. But it does happen. What you're going through in some standard crap that happens when you put your heart on the line. You'll have misunderstandings and heartache. But once you get into a good relationship - and you no doubt will - it'll all be worth it. If your entire experience with guys involves this one guy on MSN, it's a bit early in the game to call yourself "utterly undateable". You have to get out there, meet some guys, maybe date a couple, and see what happens. Lex
As usual, Lex has some pretty good points. In this case, though, there is one with which I disagree. I find that when I'm hurt as you have been, I can't just "let it go," as it were. I have to actually deal with the issue, which usually means metaphorically letting them have it with both barrels. Some would say that it's unnecessarily burning a bridge and yaddie yadda bla blah, but if I don't address the issue, it just festers and causes me needless consternation. I don't know if you're like I am, but if you find you have trouble just "letting it go" and moving on, I completely endorse typing up an email that, in no uncertain terms, communicates your displeasure with that person's conduct. But, only do this if you have to. If you can just block their IM and delete their phone number and be just as good for it, good for you. Drama exists either way. My roommate, who is also my best friend, is completely straight, and I've seen the drama that he's gone through while dating women. Conversely, I've had my own fair share of drama, as well. And yeah, there have been times when I've felt like I must just be completely undatable. The thing I can say is that there are a lot of people out there that, for whatever reason, are simply not compatible. Forgive me if I fumble about for the proper wording here, but I'd like to elaborate on that statement. Try considering it from the other person's perspective. I've had a number of relationships that have failed, some in brilliantly spectacular fashion. There have been a couple of cases where, when I look back, I still maintain that it was not my fault, that I put my all into it and the other person was crazy/didn't know what they wanted/just plain didn't get it. In one of my more recent relationships, I got cheated on and then dumped. Apparently to him I was a great guy, but not quite great enough to date. I knew something was amiss, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Once I found out, it was a case where I said, "Fuck that, I don't like to be played," and I let him have it with both barrels. And you know, once I got it out of my system, within two days, I was right as rain. I'm an AB/DL (wiki links HERE and HERE. I had one particular relationship where this came up, and he consequently left me. He was very good about it, and I give him a lot of credit for being honest about it, but when I took some time to think about it, it helped me to realize that I'm not perfect either. In that particular case, we were compatible on enough levels to be friends, and if I wasn't an AB/DL, it probably would have gone much further. Ultimately, though, when I looked at it from his perspective, he probably was wondering how the hell he managed to find the crazy freak that wears diapers and was cursing his misfortune, as well. And then there was one case where he and I went on a couple of dates and we just kinda decided that there wasn't anything more there. We were both honest with each other up front, and we're still pretty good friends to this day. The point to all that babbling is basically what I said earlier. Resolve the unresolved emotions with this loser that hasn't treated you with the respect you deserve, then move on. Remember that some relationships will fail, but don't stop trying. If you do, you won't find the relationship that will work. I bid you good wishes!
