I'm 14, and I know I'm gay. Or pan. Bottom line is, I like guys. No pun intended. I have a very homophobic family, except for maybe my oldest sister. I've told about 5people at school, my closest friends, but that's it. Lately, I've been debating going to my schools guidance counselor. He helps run my schools GSA (gay/straight alliance club) and I couldn't join without my family knowing, but I was thinking he could help? I'm so tired of holding it all in. I've contemplated suicide and dealt with self-harm many times, due to the stress of it all. Focusing on how my future might end up had effected my grades. I'm just worried I'll get kicked out and end up homeless. :help: It doesn't help that I have a class with a junior who I really like (I'm a freshman) and I'm pretty sure he's straight. I've had panic attacks just thinking about doing something stupid around him, yet when I actually do something around him, it's never as bad. None of this probably makes any sense. I just don't know where to go from here. ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2015 at 10:10 PM ---------- I'm not sure if my sister is homophobic though. She hasn't stated that all gay people should die, like my other family members, and she got mad when my dad said that, but I'm still very unsure.
i think you should try talking to your sister or at least droopping hnts around her and see if she asks you about it
Talking to the counselor at your school would we a good start. I also think testing the water with your sister and/or coming out to her would be good for you. Hopefully if she's supportive and accepting, you'd have an ally and work your way up from there. Talking about it with someone would definitely reduce the amount of stress you're going through and help you overcome this. Are there any other students you know who are gay? Plus, always remember that it gets better. Patience leads to paradise, and through fire that the gold is refined. Being in a bad place now doesn't mean you're future isn't going to be a bright one filled with love and happiness.
You live in California, gay Mecca, not some homophobic Bible Belt nightmare state. The counselor should be able to help you find some additional local resources if you need them to work with your parents, as well as introduce you to the GSA at your school and the people in it. If you go to your sister and ask for her help, she will probably give it, as she is already showing you that she doesn't buy into your parents' hate talk. Maybe you could get together with her and the guidance counselor at the same time and let the guidance counselor explain to her how she can help. Most importantly, forget about the self-harm and suicide stuff; you have already been harmed enough by your parents' attitude. You will come through this and have a happy life ahead of you. It will get better now that you are taking positive steps to improve your situation, and get the help you need and build a circle of gay friends for support at the school. As to that junior, try to become a friend, and nothing more for now. There is no reason why you can't have a straight best friend regardless of your own orientation. If he is worth having as a friend, it will not bother him if you come out to him later.
Try find your nearest LGBT youth support service, you will get a huge amount of support and friendship there. From what my straight friends tell me when they were young they felt equally awkward and had panic attacks around people they "liked", so that bit is just being a normal teenager. But find someone to talk to whether it's a councillor, a best friend or a support group.
