I mentioned in an earlier thread that there is this guy I really like in one of my classes. In an ugly, fat freshman. He's a hot, smart, funny junior. I don't know his orientation, but I'm assuming straight due to his (ex?) girlfriend. He's always a jerk to most people, but always so sweet to me. I've liked him for months now and no matter how hard I try, I can't get over him. I'm not saying I love him, because love is a big word, but I feel like I could experience it with him. He's my first big crush. I freak out just at the thought of being around him in case I mess up and seem extra stupid. Im not out to anyone but a few friends yet. I have no friends in that class (anymore, mainly friend in there moved away, and I only came out to her and told her my feelings for him after she moved) to distract me. I don't make friends easily, and just the idea of talking to him can send me into a panic attack. And today, in the class we share (welding), I was being cornered by some assholes. They kept poking me and stuff, asking me why I didn't do any work in that class, and wouldn't stop no matter how much I told them to. Then, out of nowhere, his head poked up above them. He didn't know that they were harassing me, so he just let out a cheerful, "hey, _______!" And they all left me alone. I just don't know what to do. I like him so much, and it hurts so bad knowing I can't be with him.
maybe you could look for a way to get to know him. he sounds like a pretty buff guy, so I'm guessing he must work out; and you're saying that you're overweight. So talk to him about getting in shape. Ask him if he would jog with you, to help you learn to pace yourself. Talk to him about diet, nutrition, and sustainable fitness routines. Ask for him to help you with it any chance you get (spot weights, hold feet for situps, check your form). All of that could give you more time together, which would open up opportunities to talk. Don't rush things, but if you get to know each other better, you may eventually get to where you can open up and tell him about you being gay, in just an "opening up" kind of way. And here's the thing: if he is interested in you, he will be happy to take advantage of the opportunity; and if he declines, then it was never going to happen anyway. But one caveat: go slow and don't assume that his yes means that he is definitely interested in you. He might just be a nice guy who is a bit protective of the underdog. And that's not a bad thing. we need more good guys in the world. But if something is going to happen, you definitely need to create the venue. :goodluck:
As for your negative body image, don't worry about it. I was an ugly fat freshman too. It's kind of like being the ugly duckling. I'm currently a senior, and while I don't approach standards of Western attractiveness in any way, I can say that I am much skinnier than I was as a freshman. Just wait for that growth spurt ! Of course, this is not some magical over night transformation, more like a work hard and reap the results 3 year metamorphosis. Which leads to... +1 on the working out part. Exactly what Wildside said.
