I've lately realized how much i've changed this new year. First off , i'm a 16 year old girl and I found out I was attracted to girls last year. I'm a junior now and my grades mean a lot to me, i've just been slacking off and really not giving a fuck about my life anymore. My parents found my bag of "goodies" which helps me cope with me being depressed and all, but i've got to stop relying on them. I just don't want to live in a world where acceptance is so hard. I want to come out, but the people around me are so difficult and i've never even had a gay friend to actually talk to comfortably. What do you think I should do? Btw, my friends are complete assholes. They think every lesbian has to look like a boy, therefore they think i'm straight as an arrow because I look too "girly".
Aww, this breaks my heart. I had a pretty rough time of being in the closet, too, many of us do. The greatest solution to that, really, is to come out of it. But we all move at our own pace and if you aren't ready to do that, then you aren't ready. That's okay, don't feel pressured to move faster. There are ways you can make closeted life a little more comfortable. Maybe distracting yourself with hobbies, keeping good, positive company. I would suggest seeing a counsellor if you aren't already. But I'll be honest with you, the only thing that really worked for me was coming out. Despite getting a horrendously negative reaction from my parents, I felt so much better. I didn't have to hide myself and pretend to be someone I'm not anymore, and that was the thing that was taking its toll on me. It was like a great burden had been lifted and I was free to live my life without being haunted by those closet demons. You say you don't have any (I would point out, openly) gay friends to talk to. Enter Ortensia seriously though, treat EC as your big, gay extended family. We're happy to give you all the support and advice you need. I know it's horrible fearing all the negativity and homophobia in the world. I agree with you, the world can be a pretty sucky place. But it's not all bad. And you need to remember that no matter what the bigots and the bullies say, there is nothing wrong with you. You're a beautiful person and you do not decide who you fall in love with any more than a straight person can. If you learn to truly accept and love yourself, noone can take that away from you. You may have to grow a thick skin, but don't let it break you down; channel it, use it to make you stronger. Your friends sound like jerks, to be honest. You dont need them. If you were to come out, the people who react badly are not the kind of people you want in your life. If anything, it would help you discover who your real friends are, who are truly there for you- the REAL you, and not the pretence you're forced to uphold. I hope this makes you feel at least a little better. If you have any specific questions please let me know, I'm happy to answer them. And drop a message on my profile anytime if you want to talk. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Sending you multiple hugs. Xxx
There aren't enough words to describe my thanks to you. You've literally made me smile at my screen for a while haha. Reading about someone feeling much better and went through that much sounds surreal. I don't have it in me to come out yet, but the alternatives sounds better than nothing. thanks again
Being in the closet can destroy you. There is no correct sexuality. You have to discover what your sexuality is and once you've done that celebrate it. Some people will like you more, some less, and rest won't care.
Welcome to EC, and we're here to be your friends, even if those other people aren't as accepting as they should be. I'm going to agree with Ortensia on basically all points. Coming out is basically the solution to those negative feelings, but it doesn't mean that you can't do things to alleviate those feelings, and if you aren't ready to come out yet, then wait until you are ready. However, also note that coming out isn't an all-or-nothing process. You can come out to some people, and not others. That is perfectly acceptable, and the ability to be open in certain spaces helps with the stress that comes with hiding yourself. And even if you can't talk to somebody, a journal is great for writing out those feelings. As well, you can always talk to me here on EC! My inbox is always open. I've dealt with depression in the past. I was depressed before I started coming out to myself, and it got worse when I began realizing I was gay, and the more I hid things the worse I felt. I hated feeling like I was living a lie, especially since when I got to the point I no longer considered it shameful, my pride fought me staying in the closet. I needed to be out. However, that does all take time, and when things will be right for you is different than what was right for other people in their situations. Sometimes you have to play it by ear a little bit, but know that you are a lovely person and there is nothing wrong with you.
Wow , you sound the same as me . I used to get A and A+ (rarely B) in freshman year But after I realize that i was gay this sophomore year was horrific :bang: I dont get A or even B+. Thank god the year is almost over , this is too much to take :dry: . Im here if you want to talk ^^''
Awe thank you for sharing your experience. You're completely right and I don't think I know my actual sexuality yet, so i'm stuck with the whole thing.
