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So confused on my sexuality. I think I'm a lesbian, but I don't really know

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by marycath123, Apr 16, 2015.

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  1. marycath123

    marycath123
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    This is my first post in here because I really need some advice, and want to see if anyone else has gone through a similar experience. I'm an 18 year old girl and I think I might be gay. This is something I've had in the back of my head for a while, and I think I just didn't want to think about it, but lately it has really been bothering me and I feel like I need to figure out if I'm gay or not.

    So, I've basically always had crushes on girls and woman probably since I was 12. I used to thin "Oh they're just little girl crushes," but they seriously are very intense to the point where I can't stop thinking about them and even get nervous around them. For some reason, this seems to be mostly with woman older than me; Teachers, celebrities, people I work with, etc.

    What really makes me think I'm gay is that I've never had any crushes like these on any boys. However, I have looked at a boy and though "Wow he's hot" but it was never anything sexual. But, I also don't have strong sexual feelings for woman, just these obsessive crushes, and that is what confuses me.

    Also, when I got out and dress up I always think about impressing girls, rather than boys. I could care less if boys think I'm hot- while that seems to be all my friends care about.

    If I am gay, I'm completely fine with that. I just wish I could know for sure, it's so confusing. Also, I am so shy when it comes to talking to other people about my problems or basically anything serious. I keep almost all my thoughts bottled up in my head, including this as I've never told anyone and can't imagine ever telling anyone. I have a lot of close friends who I love, but I know they would never take me seriously since they often joke about being gay or lesbian.

    (Sorry this is so long, need to get this off my chest)

    But yeah I'm just soooooo confused. I'd love to know if anyone, who is openly gay, has gone through this. Is it just a phase? Do you think I'm gay? Am I just putting these thoughts in my head and convincing myself I'm gay? Any thoughts or opinions or advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you :slight_smile::slight_smile:
     
    #1 marycath123, Apr 16, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2015
  2. Winter Maiden

    Winter Maiden
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    From what I've read I would say that there is a greater chance that you are lesbian than not. I mean, the fact that you dress to impress girls and NOT guys is pretty telling. I'm Diana by the way :slight_smile: feel free to wall me :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Winter Maiden, Apr 16, 2015
  3. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
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    It does sound like your a lesbian from what you have said I was the same when I was questioning wanting to dress up,and impress girls and not boys
     
    #3 lovely lesbian, Apr 17, 2015
  4. Ortensia

    Ortensia Guest

    You definitely display quite a few of the classic signs of being gay- those crushes, the dressing up, the almost indifference to boys. But of course, only you can make the judgement as to whether you are gay or not. Helpful questions to ask yourself might be: can I picture myself in a relationship with a woman in a both physical and romantic capacity? What about men? If you try to be as honest and open-minded as possible about it, then it should just naturally start to make sense. Whatever you do don't stress about finding the right label or fitting a certain category or anything like that. You are who you are; follow your attractions freely and that will bring you to your answer.

    Hope that helps xx

    Edit: with regards to your friends- if you were to come out and they didn't take you seriously, I'd say they aren't your real friends and are not the kind of people you want in your life anyway. So don't worry about that so much :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Ortensia, Apr 17, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2015
  5. RedLynx

    RedLynx
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    I agree to this!! :slight_smile:
     
    #5 RedLynx, Apr 18, 2015
  6. vespa27

    vespa27
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    Oh wow, I went through almost exactly the same thing! The moment it really dawned on me was when I was at a club and I saw a really attractive girl (I used to brush this off as girl crushes too) and I was more concerned about her noticing me than any of the guys in there. Like you, I then started to really quiz myself and would spend hours thinking about it, but eventually it all started to make sense and now I can't really believe that I didn't realise I was gay before. You'll come to your own conclusion too, by the uncanny similarities in our stories I wouldn't be surprised if you are gay. And if you are the day will come when you can look in the mirror and say 'I am a lesbian' and it'll feel great! You've made the first steps on your journey, and whatever the outcome you'll learn so much about yourself from it, so try to embrace it :slight_smile:
     
    #6 vespa27, Apr 19, 2015
  7. Libra Neko

    Libra Neko
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    It sounds like you're a lesbian. I have had moments of being attracted to men; I think even people who are gay can have moments like that. The thing is, if you have no sexual interest in guys, as I do, you are probably gay.
     
    #7 Libra Neko, Apr 19, 2015
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