Don't know what to do

So a while back I accidentally came out to my parents. I'd just found out my girl friend cheated on me so we broke up on bad terms and her mum called my mum and told her everything. Mum and dad sat me down and tried to tell me it was a phase, that i hadn't given guys a proper chance and at first I tried to tell them that I was definitely a lesbian and it wouldn't change. Then they decided that until i "realised" i wasn't gay anymore i couldn't hang out with girls unless there was guys there and i wasn't allowed to have any sleep overs with my friends anymore.

Eventually i just said that i was definitely straight, told them what they wanted to hear and i thought that would be that but then mum started pressuring me to go out with guys. The first time it happened i was crying and said i really didn't want to but she texted him for me saying that i would and so i had to go out with him and even when i found out he was a total druggie and told her she just said i hadn't given him a proper chance.

Since then i have had multiple relationships with guys and every single one has been me not really interested but pretending to be infront of mum. Mum gets really invested telling me to text him all the time and what to say, i feel like she is more in the relationship than i am. I hate going out with guys because when they make out with me and stuff i just feel really gross and literally coubnt down the seconds till it's over. I also feel really guilty because most of the guys i've been out with are lovely and i'm just using them.

I don't know what to do, i can't keep doing this. it's so tiring and i just want to be accepted but at the same time if my mum the one person in the world who is meant to accept me for who i am can't even do that then who else is going to. I hate that i'm not good enough for her because she is amazing and works so hard to help me in every aspect of my life and she deserves an amazing daughter. When i did accidentaly come out i over heard her on the phone saying that when she found out it felt like her daughter had died and like she didn't know me at all. I just feel so guilty but i can't seem to find a way to find guys attractive, nothing i've tried had worked. Any advice?