Okay here's the situation. I'm completely in the closet. There's a few people who I'm open about my sexuality to but it's not clear to my close friends/family. There's this guy who I've had a crush on for awhile and we ended up kissing at my birthday party and I was like "well shit" so now we're talking but I'm really holding back saying anything relationship related. I'm not sure if he knows I'm in the closet. Tomorrow he asked me to hang out and I'm sure it may get brought up. I'm not out yet because I feel guilty to be doing anything behind my family or friends backs for me to blindside them later with. I just feel so guility and torn. I want to get serious with him but I'm too deep in the closet to let myself love someone because I'm afraid of my family disowning me or something. I need to do something soon because my heart feels like it's breaking more every day and it's getting unbearable. :tears: So what I'm asking for is should I just: a. Roll with it and try to be in a relationship with this guy and come out to my family asap and kind of fall back on therapy or EC/other LGBTQA resources b. Do that^ but tell him I'm in the closet and hope he'll support me until I do come out. c. And this is where it gets tricky: should I not drag him back into the closet with me because this has been a problem with me and I feel like I shouldn't do that to him because I'm sure he's been here and it's not fun. I want him to love the whole me and not some partial mess thats been my life forever. I may not reply until mid day tomorrow unless the responses are soon. Please give me your honest advice even if it seems harsh, I need inspiration not so much comforting. :eusa_liar ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2015 at 09:30 PM ---------- Also another thing is I've blown him off last time he wanted to hang out and made some elaborate excuse so I don't want to just tell him I can't hang out. I don't want him to lose interest in me but I'm not brave enough to tell my family that I'm gay. I feel like a coward and a liar.
Never been there, but realistically I would go with b. considering the way I am. The last option would be a last resort and is a really bad idea in respect to him for the same reasons you feel about hiding and how horrible you know it is. I'm sure he will be supportive of you. You have little experience but if he really loves you, he will make the effort to make you happy, whatever that may be. Coming out should have no deadline and should be dealt as comfortably and naturally as you want. Haven't came out yet but that's the general advice. Good luck =)
I still feel it may be an issue if things go south somehow with us but maybe this is what I need. I have no idea. -.-
You are 25 years old and you know you are gay. It is time both you and your family accept this reality, so you can be free to live your life as you are. At 25, you are an adult, not somebody's kid. Your friend cannot love you unless he knows who you really are; I expect that at this moment, he is confused by your ambivalent behavior, but does care for you if he is kissing you openly at a birthday party. That should be enough of a clue for anybody to figure it out, so he probably already has.
The hardest part is articulating the words to make my parents understand. I think I might crack if I lose their love. But at this point I guess I should be more ride or die. I sacrificed so much of myself to not burden them it's time for them to give back.
my honest opinion: are you in a safe environment to come out? if yes then you should come out, unless your own safety is at risk than you might reconsider it. are you financially capable of supporting yourself? if yes then you should not worry about whether your family going to disown you. you are a men of your own, you deserves to be happy about being who you are and not being judged for it. during the kiss are you drunk or fully sane? if you're drunk then most likely he'll apology about his action on your party. if both of you are totally sane during the hot hot action then he might brought the topic asking for explanation. if your friend is gay or at least LGBT friendly then option B ( the do that and still telling him that youre in the closet and hope he'll support you until you come out) might be suitable, coming out takes time and you should took as long as it have to. because once youre out to your family you cant retract your word. about the coming out result i cant give any comment or opinion regarding that. i'm still hiding inside mine due to personal safety issue. hope this helps feel free to ignore if you find my opinion irrelevant arfff
I does. I think my problem is I second guess myself with everything which makes me choke before I get to say it. Its so frustrating. I'm so upset over this.
Can anyone give me a way to out myself that I can't back out of? Like some way I can't choke from doing?
Come out by a letter. Write it, sign it, then put it in the mail. You can cough later, but you can't choke.
That's a good idea. I also feel like if I could tell anyone it would be my little sister so maybe I should do that for her and I know she'd just tell my parents so it'd be out of my control so yeah that's an awesome idea. ♡♡ ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2015 at 02:59 PM ---------- I'm gonna try to write a letter this week and I'll leave it in her room at my parents house and see what happens.
Thank you, I appreciate it a lot. Like my problem isn't being afraid to live as myself, it's more so I'm afraid of the backlash from my family. I'm not so much worried about the outside world. x)
