It's not exactly coming out... I didn't say anything specific, I just cut the bull as soon as I heard it. I simply said I don't qualify as the gender people are (still) perceiving, or whatever bullshit says on my ID. I just stated this as an answer to a well known, standard beginning of your average vomit of gender clichés. I stoped the guy right as he started, saying "I don't think I qualify for that, you know". ... And bang, the silence. They were looking at me perplexed, as if they weren't expecting such a thing, even if I'm not in any way trying to fake it anymore : My hair, my speech and my dress represent my gender. I'm not doing anything to convince anyone that I'm something else than a man. They mentioned the presence of a transwoman at the company at some point. This guy told me "well, I would have expected such a comment from X, but from you..." So... I have no idea what the fuck they think I am, all I know is that I'm again dissapointed on my fellow human beings : What difference does it make what I've got between my legs? If they can't screw me I'm not valid anymore? Why does this makes people so nervous, if they can't know for sure that I've got a (pardon my french) dick or a hole? I might have taken the wrong step, I'm not sure right now... All I know is that I refuse to take it anymore, I'm just fed up with that crap... I'm not gonna take that shit, even if it costs me my job, I just cannot play that shitty game anymore. Any suggestions / ideas / feedback are very welcome.
You might try to relax a bit and not act from a standpoint of anger. Often people simply reflect how we behave, or how we think we are perceived. If you expect positive reactions you are more likely to experience them. Well you might simply say that you do not identify with most feminine things, its not for you. And that your style and clothing reflect that. Well possibly your colleages have not thought of the possibility. Its well possible if being told you do not identify as woman they accept it. I'd say its first possibly outside of the range of their thinking. And it should be easier with younger generations. So you might try not to get too upset about it. hugs ---------- Post added 18th Apr 2015 at 03:10 PM ---------- A possible way could be to show confidence and remaining calm and unwavering. Just being yourself, and without anger.
Thank you.Yeah, it's possible they haven't seen much, that's absolutely true, the usual talk of one of them is full of gender stereotypes... From at least the 40's or 50's, and they are also about men, as in "men should not be interested on fashion" ('cause to care about how you look is unmanly) I'm not sure I'm able to stay in the closet, and that's the problem, that's why I'm angry, so I'm between a rock and a hard place here, I'm practically forced to come out... We are all men there, so I can't just describe how it is, that would be awkward for all of us, and the t word does't resonate with me... Which would have been great under the circumstances, just saying a word and explaining it all. In my case it does and it doesn't... If I'm not even on HR or therapy, I don't think I have a right to say anything beyond the "I'm non conformist" thing. All I want right now is to stop getting missgendered. They didn't tried anymore jokes about "war between women and men" and all that crap. I would have reacted the same way if I had been stealth, perhaps with less anger, that's true. still I don't buy the macho stuff, nor I want to join that equally stupid little game. To be honest, I don't know why should we accept as normal such behaviors and comments... And even join the game just to fit in... Another point that hurt me is the fact that I look so androgynous and young. I'm positive it's the name on my ID what betrays me. Here is not that easy to change your name. I think I'm going to end up massively coming out everywhere... It's really making my life miserable. I try to deal with it by trying to convince myself I'm like an actor, just playing a role, but it's bringing me down each and everytime, and for some reason to lie or not to be 100% honest fills me with anger. I suspect they are going to fire me by the way.
Well its a question how far you want to go... sometimes people say things because they see how the other one reacts... meaning if you react upset they might do it more... so you might think about an adequate response, not too emotional... and yep sometimes its necessary to get emotional to bring the point across... well even if you did not have therapy yet or hrt its a matter of identification... but its up to you how far you feel you want to go at the moment... there are online counselors by the way... concerning firing, imo there are two main reasons... you are not really usable at your job, or you get personal with somebody... so you might think about kind of repairing the personal level, like not acting personally offended but being kind of friendly... or, well, you might look elsewhere... and, well, it might be possible to use a nickname or an abbreviation.. have a (*hug*)
I got personal, but it's hard not to do it when you find certain kind of people. You've got to draw the line somewhere. As I've said I'm young looking, and a smooth talker by nature, this is the main cause of all the conflicts I have with people : You just have to draw the line, and show your claws, or else... ... And then they are all surprised when they see I do have a temper. I have heard from people they are (sometimes) even afraid of me, which is ridiculous... The reason why I'm not in therapy is that I'm trying to get the basics arranged right now. I just don't have the time nor the resources to do anything but working and hunting for a flat. I don't know... I used to get more from life when I used to lie, but I can't do that anymore, I think I've crossed the line and there is no turning back. I need to be able to watch myself on a mirror and endure what's there... At least to look at somebody who is honest, and not a liar or a coward, you know... Not sure about getting fired, I guess I'm just too tense, almost on the edge, and seeing the glass half empty. I just had to let it out of my chest... Whatever happens, at least it was caused by me being me. I'm sure it'll get better, I was just ranting/venting here...
Well maybe a bit more moderate approach could help... not being too outgoing then all of a sudden coming with pent up emotons.. maybe its possible to voice some restraints from time to time, in a calm way, so it might be more convincing... maybe it would be possible from time to time to interject that you simply do not feel a certain way... well good thing the venting helps *hug*
