I like a girl but I'm straight? Don't know how to tell family

Hey everyone! So I'm new to this site entirely but im just so confused so I thought I would give this a shot.

So I am a 24 year old female who has always been straight. Until lately. Previous im my life, I had a long term relationship with a guy that was 2 years older than me. We were together for 6 years and then he gradually began to fall out of love with me but I was so crazy for him. He ended up breaking it off. It broke me entirely. I felt like my whole world was shattered. I couldn't eat, sleep or think for a little over a year. I gave him all of me. I did everything I could for him but it just wasn't good enough I guess. He would contact me here and there after the break up saying he missed me and loved me still and we were sexually involved still even after the break up (I know stupid me). I ended up separating myself from him completely (about a little less than a year ago).

I got a job at a mall about half a year ago and my coworkers and I got so close. They are like a family to me. I went to a house party with all my coworkers one night about 5 months ago. We all had an awesome time and have been close ever since. But during this party one of my coworkers kept looking at me and smiling. But it wasn't just any smile. It was a flirty and cute smile that I soon came to realize I was attracted to that night. I was drunk but I didn't care. To my surprise the person I was attracted to was a girl (she's lesbian). We spoke all night. She smiled and laughed and gave me such an enticing look that I was so attracted to. The next morning, I replayed the night in my head and realized that I was still thinking about this girl. So I texted her and she said that we were flirting all night and she hopes we still talk. And ever since that day we've been talking. she told me she had a crush on my since the first day I walked in the store to apply. She had a girlfriend for 3 months but they ended up breaking up and she just gradually continued pursuing me, and to my surprise I allowed it. We have seen and hung out with each other everyday for the past almost 4 months. I have grown close to her family and friends but most importantly, her.

We have also been sexual with each other for the past 2 months. I love it! She is so attentive and loving and caring to me. She expresses how she feels a lot and always does cute things for me. She got me flowers one day just because. When I had a really bad day and went home to cry, she took a bus all the way to my house just to comfort me. When I talk, she listens and gives me advice. She is 21 and I am 24. It's really interesting because I only like dating people older than me and men at that LOL. She does have immature tendencies sometimes(not big things) but Im assuming she will mature like I have. Either way, she's so good to me and does everything my ex didn't. She said she never wants to let go. And she told me a couple days ago that she fell in love with me.

I couldn't say it back because I'm not in love with her yet. And this is why im writing this now. I need help. She's so good but I can't really find it in myself to love her back. I feel like I'm on a cliff and I'm on the verge of love but I can't push myself off that ledge to fall in love already. Is it because she's a girl and I don't want to fall in love with a girl because I just recently entered the LGBT world? But isn't that shallow to end it with someone who is so good to you just because they're not what you're used to? I've told my close friends and coworkers about her already. Most were supportive. Some were not. Some said it was a phase and I just wanted attention. I'm terrified because if that's what some of my close friends say, what about my parents and family who I havent told yet??? My cousin is gay and he came out a while ago and my family took it well, except his mom. She's still in denial. I'm afraid my parents will be in denial too and they mean everything to me and I mean everything to them. they love me so much. But I don't know what to do. Am I hesitant because I'm new to this lifestyle and preference, or am I holding back because I don't want to be broken and hurt again, or am I holding back because I don't want to be denied anymore? If I let her go, I know I'll alwyss think what if? Maybe i stay because I'm filling the void of emptiness that my ex left in me? But I do really feel for her. If I ever saw her with another girl, I would probably burn with envy. What could it be that's making me feel stuck and making it hard for me to just jump into this?I don't think its a phase but am I wrong?? PLEASE HELP

 

Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate your feed back. I Just feel so lost and im not 100% sure how to go about this. Your advice means a lot!!

---------- Post added 20th Apr 2015 at 01:23 PM ----------

Also, I've realized that when ever her and I disagree on something, I always make it a mission to argue with her and I don't get why!!!! I think it's because I'm self sabotaging the relationship before it gets good and I'm scared to get hurt. I know it's dumb but i don't know why I do that

 

Awwww thank you so much. You don't know how much it means to me that you spoke your mind. I value your opinion so much! I value everyones!! I'm so glad I found this forum. I actually did speak to her about all my worries and she said I can take all the time I need to overcome it and that she'll be right there by my side along the way. I know she's great. I'm just so scared. I've lost so much in my life already. Especially in my last relationship. I gave so much of myself that I lost myself in the process and I don't want that happening again. I also argue with her and try to self sabotage the relationship before she can hurt me only because I'm scared she will hurt me and because she made me realize I'm not straight so I have anger towards her that she showed me a side of me I can't ignore and that with this side comes loss. Loss of support. Loss of friends and family. I already lost friends that I thought were my best friends becuase they didn't really take me seriously and I know they talk behind my back. So, if those are my best friends acting that way, who knows about my family?? But im grateful she showed me this side. Although it comes with loss, it also comes with knowledge of self. Because of her I learned more about herself so I am grateful. I'm not mad at her. I just act it to push away from this situation but it's a situation I can't ignore. And I care about her so im going to have to face the loss and face rejection but it's who I am. If no one accepts it, I guess that they didn't truly love me to begin with. But it just hurts because I love them all so much.

 

I'm going to copy and paste my response from the post right before you because it corresponds with your answer too. Thank you so much. I appreciate it you have no clue:


Awwww thank you so much. You don't know how much it means to me that you spoke your mind. I value your opinion so much! I value everyones!! I'm so glad I found this forum. I actually did speak to her about all my worries and she said I can take all the time I need to overcome it and that she'll be right there by my side along the way. I know she's great. I'm just so scared. I've lost so much in my life already. Especially in my last relationship. I gave so much of myself that I lost myself in the process and I don't want that happening again. I also argue with her and try to self sabotage the relationship before she can hurt me only because I'm scared she will hurt me and because she made me realize I'm not straight so I have anger towards her that she showed me a side of me I can't ignore and that with this side comes loss. Loss of support. Loss of friends and family. I already lost friends that I thought were my best friends becuase they didn't really take me seriously and I know they talk behind my back. So, if those are my best friends acting that way, who knows about my family?? But im grateful she showed me this side. Although it comes with loss, it also comes with knowledge of self. Because of her I learned more about herself so I am grateful. I'm not mad at her. I just act it to push away from this situation but it's a situation I can't ignore. And I care about her so im going to have to face the loss and face rejection but it's who I am. If no one accepts it, I guess that they didn't truly love me to begin with. But it just hurts because I love them all so much.