So I've come out to my parents,but they don't seem to understand that it isn't a choice. My Dad said i chose wrong and I will be judged by God. My Mom still denies that I'm a lesbian and I that I only like girls. She always asks me," So do you like a boy yet?" How do I get them to understand me?
The most important thing is to remain consistent with your response - that means repeating what they already know (because you told them) and keeping your cool. No matter what they say, do not respond to provocation or denial from your parents with anger as it will set an increasingly bad tone and lead to a more entrenched position from them. You didn't say when you told your parents, but it can take some time for them to process their feelings and come to terms with everything. It's to be expected. Anger, hostility, denial, bargaining are all stages that our parents might need to go through before they finally arrive at a point of acceptance. Read more about it here: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief If they start to ask more questions about your sexuality, try to answer them honestly, even if they are silly or irritating. We have to remember that our parents and other people may have little or no knowledge about LGBT issues or relationships and it's our role to help educate them in as reasonable a way as we can. Again, it's a time for cool heads and calm responses. In time, most parents do come round because they don't want to remain at war with their kids. They may not like it, but they learn to set aside the anger and hostility and accept our sexuality. Be patient and don't lose hope. If you need support come back and talk to us.
Well, first it's good to understand how they're thinking. It's like this: Social construct of heteronormativity > Passive acceptance of heteronormativity without critical thinking > Unacceptance of non-conforming homo- or bisexuals. This perhaps makes it sound as though they have no free will, which I'm not suggesting, but I am suggesting that this opinion is not even their opinion, it is a shared opinion in a cultural framework that they have acquired passively. It is not personal. As to the legitimacy of that framework it is simply wrong, of course. You could try the common sense, "at-its-core" argument - like, if I go to a party, meet a guy, have some drinks, talk, cuddle/fool around, and then maybe take it from there, is there a problem with that? No? Okay, so now, I'll trade the word "guy" for "girl". Is there a problem with that? Yes? Okay, why? Uh-huh, God and the Bible, okay, but why? Why? In the end they'll hit a snag. You can't really argue ethically for being homophobic, it's like arguing for rape or ethnic cleansing, it's simply evil. Then ask them, what do you think? Also, they should be reminded that their daughter is more important than a book. I hope that helps at all, honey <3 Good luck, hope they come around!
