Hello everyone! I've been reading a lot of posts on this site and now that I am really struggling with something myself I though I'd post something.. Well, my best friends, brother, and mom know that I like guys. I've been talking for almost a year now with this really really nice guy whom I have also met as many times as possible. Over the time we became closer and closer until the point that we couldn't deny anymore that we actually loved each other. Thanks to him I came out to, like, everyone I've told so far. For us to 'officially' become boyfriends, my father must know. (His parents do know and they're fine with it, it seems). Here is where the problem kicks in: I've promised him I would tell my dad because it would make everything so much easier. We wouldn't have to be so secretive anymore and I just want him to be able to come over to my place when we want to. I told my mom by means of a letter so I figured it'd be easy to do so for my dad as well. Turned out that even writing the letter was already 10 times harder, and I just can't seem to give it, or determine when I should. It just never seems like the good time, or so I make that out of it.. The problem mainly lies in the fact that my mom doesn't give too much about religion (read: nothing). My dad however, is Christian and it just wouldn't surprise me at all if a get a really shitty reaction. I presume my coping skills aren't going to be too good when this happens and I just want to leave the note somewhere so he finds it. But somehow I'm scared. The guy I'm dating is really patient and I'm thankful for that, but I sense more and more that he just wants us to be free, and although he says he'll wait, he can't wait just forever. What should I do? :eusa_doh: This turned out longer than I had hoped and I hope the English will be understandable as I'm not from an English-speaking country. Thanks in advance for your replies!
Your English is amazing; I'm not fluent in any language besides English, and what Spanish I did know is hard to access in my brain. It's ok to be scared. You have the support of your mom, so maybe she can help you.
You apologize for your English yet the English you used whilst typing is easily superior than what I've observed native speakers use. Anyway, ask gour father what he thinks about homosexuals, or if you dont want to be too specific try asking him ehat he feels about the LGBT community in general. As for actually coming out to your father try writing a letter than maybe your mother could hand it to him our ask your mother to be there with you when you come out to your father. I wish you nothing but the best, hun here's a hug from California n.n (*hug*)
From what you are saying, the time to give it to him is now, while your partner is still waiting patiently for you. If you need your mother there to support you, then do it in a family sitdown where all three of you are present. Why don't you talk to her about how to create the best setting and time for you to do it together.
Hey maarsut98, welcome to EC! I just saw a video of a gay man who came out to his father. What was unique was that his father was a psychologist who was convinced that being gay was a neurosis that could be cured, and this guy was famous for the "treatment" he believed in. The son finally came out to the father, who wasn't pleased to learn this, but did not react extremely negatively either. Nevertheless they didn't talk for about 2 months after coming out. The son finally received a four-page letter from his father, it was an apology for the way he treated his son. More interestingly, his father never tried to "cure" him. The son explained that, growing up, he had a very close and loving relationship with his father, but that after coming out, this changed the relationship. Yes, it is more honest and forthright, but something did change, this closeness was gone. You didn't state the nature of your relationship with your father, I can only presume therefore that it is a loving one. If that is the case, you may be surprised by the way he reacts, family often supersedes ideology. But yes, you must be prepared for something to change; this is part of growing up...your patient BF certainly seems worth taking the risk. Enlist your mother's support, this is crucial, then when you tell him, give him time to grieve. As with all grieving, time is a great healer and love is the force behind it.
