Yesterday I got an e-mail from my mother-in-law. You see each year she wants to do family pictures for her cards but the last couple of years she doesn't have everybody together until Christmas day. So she has been doing the photographs on Christmas and then sending out New Year's cards instead. All fine. We take one big group shot with the entire family and then do individual shots of each family. In the e-mail, she asked if Michael (Adam's partner) would take the group shot. I had already decided Michael was going to be in our family picture. He and Adam are in a committed relationship, have a home together, and have adopted a cat together. lol I immediately got mad. But instead of letting her have it right off the bat, I took some time to calm down. I asked my husband if he would like to talk to his mother or should I do it. He said well we could have Michael in our picture but his mom could do what she wanted. Then he said he was going to ask Michael how he wanted to be introduced to the family which is good except he used "roommate" as one of the options. Grrr... I said "No roommate, is not an option." Evidently he had forgotten how irritated Michael was with his mother when she introduced Adam as his roommate when we were in Louisiana. He hum-hauled around and did not answer my question at all. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I came back and wrote an e-mail to my MIL. I told her that Adam and Michael were in a committed relationship, share a home together, and have adopted a cat (I just have to throw that in. lol) and that Michael was a part of our family and we were including him in our family photo. I told her it was her choice whether she wanted to include Michael in the group shot but I think it would mean alot to the both of them if she did. I told her that Michael had went through alot of crap with both of his Dad and Step-Dad and that he was looking forward to coming out here and being a part of the family celebrations. She wrote back and said that was fine. She just didn't know how "he would feel about it", meaning Michael. So I think I handled it pretty well. I could have gone off on her but instead I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts so that I could tell her what I think would be best in a calm rational way. I was proud of myself! I don't really need any support or advice. I just thought I would share this with you guys and tell you that sometimes it really does pay-off just to take a step back in these kinds of situations and think about what you want to say. Its much better to be assertive than it is to be aggressive.
Great job Becky! I liked how you laid it all down explaining everything. I assume that your son is out to you mother in law, correct? Right now I am sure that I want to come out to my parents and my brother and sister, but the prospect of coming out to my grandmother still scares me. She will be 86 in December and I don't think she would understand and go into how sinful being gay is.
Sometimes - in fact, quite often - being calm and bringing your own point of view can have surprising results. Glad it went well. Lex
Calming down before sending off an email is a very important skill to have. Besides the use of a tripod an a 10 second timer is a much better way to ensure everyone's smiling!
:icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_sad: Come and give me some lessons Becky! I know I should stay calm but I have a tendancy to fly off the handle if you push the wrong buttons. Oh to be calm and collected *sighs*
Its a learned thing Louise. Remember it wasn't so long ago that I came totally unglued at my Dad and threatened him with not speaking to him again. :roflmao:
Great job handling the situation and including your son's partner. I dont need lessons on staying calm, so much as I need lessons on how to get things done. My dad and I have a horrible relationship and when I make him mad we fight and yell; when he makes me mad, I either ignore him at all costs, or I start yelling. Staying clam does nothing for me becuase my dad starts yelling at me even if I'm talking to him normally. I almost never get to say how I feel or what I think and if I do then sometimes I get told that I can't feel the way I do, or that I can't think what I'm thinking. It seems that the only way to talk to my dad is to start an arguement on my own terms and have my points planned out that I can yell at him. You seem to know how to handle things, do you have any suggestions?
