and I came out .. again !

Hey everyone,

I had been thinking a lot about coming out to at least one person here in my college. Questions like - whether, why, how, whom were all over my mind along with major factor of FEAR, hence I was not able to take any decision. I am having just 10-15 days before my college life ends. Everyone will be leaving and life won't be same after this period.

Finally I decided to take a leap of faith. I came out to a close friend of my class yesterday evening.

I began by explaining about why this talk matters, what he means to me and things like that. I could not directly jump to the topic. Rather explained some recent changes in life like depressions, counseling, unexpected introspection, n all. Then paused for around 5-10 minutes. Faced difficulty in speaking, being extremely nervous - finally I broke the silence with easier thing - I am not straight. (which he took as means I am gay ). I did not want to jump so fast. So I explained about how I am between gay and bi and more towards gay side. I am sure he has not thought much about it and assumed me as mostly gay who has to sort out what decision to take in life ahead. He did ask about how did you discover, did you talk with any experts, how it started - to which I could reply in brief, avoiding to get into too much details. I shared my worries about family and how I am clueless how I will be able to handle the situation when it arises. How I have always suppressed myself and how i am hating my life sometimes. Thankfully I did not cry, may be overtime I have become confident and strong about accepting myself.

So after hearing all these - he has taken it very sensibly and supportively. He accepted it very nicely. And even he was confident about me being accepted among the near and dear ones sooner or later. He logically discussed different aspects and despite not having enough knowledge about it, gave me big courage. Today, we again talked and he was like - whatever I have told and whatever interpretation he could gather - there is not a single that has been affected negatively from yesterday to today.! We are still the same friends. Everything will be alright. This is not a difficult to live problem. Don't worry. That was very kind of him! Now I feel like, I don't need to hide it so desperately. Things are improving. (though I won't risk to come out openly here in India).

Previously I came out to 4 friends who knew me for more than 5-6 and even 15 years. But we became friends only in college 1.5 years back. So I was not having any big expectations or hopes attached with it. Thank god he surpassed everything and he is definitely a gem of a person!

Acceptance count = 5 / 6 (brother still in denial)

P.S. Although I have huge crush on him, I believe that won't be a problem and I will be able to move on in near future.