Ok, so I went out to dinner with my parents, brother and grandmother tonight because they wanted to see me (I have my own apartment) and so we went to Friday's. Anyway, during the meal we're eating and my dad seemingly-randomly speaks up and says, "So. I was reading this journal article today about these genetically-altered fruit flies. It appears that when they took a gene from a male fruit fly and placed it in a female egg, the resulting fly was male. But when they took the gene from a female and placed it in a male egg, the resulting fruit fly was not female, but a male with feminine behaviors. They were looking at it as some type of genetic explanation of homosexuality." And then there was silence. And I can't be sure, but it felt like my mom, brother, and grandmother stopped eating and looked up at me. :icon_eek: I don't know what they were expecting, but I just stayed silent and then after what seemed in my mind to be an eternity my mom moved off the subject and everybody else continued eating. It was just a really awkward moment, I'm not sure what facial expression I had either... My dad's a doctor, he reads tons of journal articles, but he rarely discusses them with us, mostly because they're usually technical and we just don't care unless somebody found a cure for cancer or something. So I'm thinking to myself now, "Well shit. What caused him to bring that up? Do they suspect or know?" It could be just a random thing he happened to bring up but the fact that people looked up at me after he said it makes me think that they knew he was going to mention something or that they had been talking about me or something like that. When I was home for a 1 week in between moving out of the dorms and moving into my apartment, I had a stack of papers sitting on my desk. Included in those papers was some gay-related stuff that I had printed from the net. Now, I can't be sure because I had stuff scattered throughout my room, but I went out early one night and came back the next morning, it looked like my papers had been moved, especially because the papers that were gay-related were turned the other direction (i.e., they were upsidedown when the rest were correct)... now, I hadn't looked at the papers in a while, so it's quite possible they were just like that because I don't usually remember in what "direction" papers go in when they're sitting in a pile. Haha. What do you people think? Am I just being paranoid? I probably am, but the whole thing seems like something my folks would do (see why I moved out?) They'd never confront me directly but instead say and do things in order to gauge my reaction or to provoke me into saying something... it's what they do. -CK PS: I think the article is bullshit. Haha. And had it not been such an awkward moment, I would've said so. One, they're comparing FRUIT FLIES to people and expect to seriously find some valid correlation between these insects and human beings, especially on a subject as complex as sexual orientation???? Morons. Second, so the flies act femme, so what? Does that mean that there may be a genetic predetermination to a guy being a transvestite or transgender????? (There probably is a genetic component somewhere, but I doubt that we can learn that from a fruit fly.) Also, what does acting femme have to do with being gay? I'm gay but I don't act like a woman (at least I don't think I do... hahaha), so wtf is this article trying to say? Absolutely nothing at all. Having said that, I think there's a genetic composition to sexuality, but there's a lot more that goes into who we are than just our DNA. And the idea of a "gay gene" is just ridiculous... I was talking to my genetics professor about this idea (I love my professors) and she was saying that a single gene controlling some appearance or behavior is just not possible. Nearly all of our traits are the results of gene-gene interactions and many genes, even if present, are never activated. Sometimes activation is time-related or provoked by environmental stimuli, but many genes are activated by seemingly nothing at all. So really, in conclusion, she said, there's not one way to determine something as seemingly-simple as eye color, let alone human sexuality. So there. hahaha
I think you are being a little paranoid. If they brought you out to dinner and tried to approach the subject, then it seems like it wouldn't be a problem with them knowing. Usually, people who are against glbt people deny it unless presented with cold, hard facts. Though, in the end, you might want to think about how things might be if they ever did find out without you telling them. In my experience, it has always been positive. But, we must prepare ourselves for the possibility of a negative reaction. Good luck!
Hi Confusedkid, Not knowing your family and not having seen body language and facial expression etc I realy would be just guessing. My guess would be slightly paranoid at the moment. What I would say though is that you do have an opening if you are thinking of telling your parents. The first thing I thought when I read your post was: Mum,dad, you remember the meal we had the other evening and dad told us about the fruit fly.............well, I guess if you think that is the way it happens you could say that the genes you guys gave me got scrambled..........hey, I am happy and I love you.
I'm sorry stew but I disagree. The only two people on the world with whom I wouldn't come out that way are my parents. First of all it would be like saying: i'm gay and it's your fault! Even if that didn't matter (which I think does) it would be joking about something that is probably going to hurt them. So I wouldn't suggest that. Still, you could ask your father WHY he brought that up, and after evaluating his answer you could come out to him. Still, I DO agree that you should add 'I am happy and I love you' if you really are happy and love them. Honesty is what made you come out, don't taint that honesty if you don't really feel what you say.
Goratrix, it seems to me that if he asks his dad why he brought it up, his dad will just reply with the standard 'oh, i thought it was interesting'. Additionally, his father might wonder why his son took interest in the gay gene article also. Unless of course you want to make them suss (that can be a good way to out yourself, by dropping hints here and there) in which case it would be good idea. If your parents are people of science and believe the whole gay gene thing, then I agree it's a good idea to 'blame it on your genes' lol.
As has been said before, not knowing the people, their attitudes, their body language etc makes it difficult for an outsider to assess. The way you have presented it, I have to admit that it does sound somewhat like a "Fishing Expedition". But presented differently...it could have sounded totally innocuous...
lol i wish my parents had somewhat taken a more subtle approach one day during breakfast they just asked me "hey that one guy who has been over here a few times - he is your boyfriend, right?" there i sat .. no way out
lol or how about when you parents plain out ask you if you like girls??? happned to me once...had to lie. had to make up a girls name and all that shit. i hated it. my mom recently talked to me about "that girl", and i just wanted her to stop the car and just tell her there that i was gay.
again, as said before, it's hard to judge you and your family but i, too, think it was a fishing expirement. you said your dad is in the medical field, right? tell me if i'm way out in left field here, but maybe your dad is trying to "justify" why he thinks you might be gay? maybe he thinks that science holds the answers and maybe wanted your input on what you thought? ..or maybe he just thought it was cool/dumb/whatever..
It all comes down to your interpretation... still, try to think if you give any hints about your sexuality and if they'd pick them up... after all, you are the one that knows them...
